Featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger announcing “I’m back!,” Jason Statham stabbing a groom at a wedding and declaring “I now pronounce you man and knife,” and Sylvester Stallone crashing an airplane into a train tunnel in the side of a mountain, the trailer for The Expendables 2 features some of the most ludicrous action clichés committed to celluloid since Commando bowed in 1985.  And just when you thought it couldn’t get any sillier, Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme show up to shoot and kick things, respectively.

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They’re baaaaaack—no, not The Expendables, that group of Canon Films fodder from the 1980s and 1990s, here to resuscitate the adenoidal action films of the 80s—rather, the trailer for the trailer has returned.  After seeing annoying trailers for trailer for films like the Total Recall reboot as well as The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2, we must now suffer through a trailer for the trailer for The Expendables 2, which features a brutally rippled Terry Crews screaming at the audience while things in the background go boom-boom.

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Oh, boy.  Walking internet meme/fictional Texas Ranger Chuck Norris, in case you didn’t know, is a cast member of the upcoming Expendables 2 action film (along with pretty much every other action star ever).  What you might not know (and what has yet to be officially confirmed) is that Norris refused to sign on to The Expendables 2 unless the violence and language was scaled back from the R rating of the original and to a safe PG-13.

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Brace yourselves, folks—you are about to witness the most testosterone-heavy 60 second clip you have ever, or likely will ever, witness.  Seriously, this thing is the visual equivalent of eating a pound of raw meat, going to the gym for an hour, and then challenging a stranger to a bloody streetfight.  Also, like those things, it’s kind of really dumb (but in a fun way).  What am I referring to, you ask?  The Expendables 2 trailer.

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Sad news to report today.  During a second unit filming of an explosion effect for the upcoming and wholly necessary Expendables sequel, one stuntman was critically wounded while another, unfortunately, died instantly in the accident in the pyrotechnics accident.

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Twitter, now a place for movie news! Arnold Schwarzenegger is currently shooting The Expendables 2 in Bulgaria and is reuniting with his costars Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone for his scenes. How do we know? Schwarzenegger tweeted this picture to confirm it. The film is scheduled to open in August 2012.

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Oh, sweet lord.  It looks like The Expendables 2 is set to launch the highest combination of Viagra and steroids on movies screens, well, ever—Deadline reports that Sylvester Stallone-starring sequel to the 2010 surprise hit is finally going to give in to every action fanboy wishlist that was crafted anytime between 1984 and 1989: the film will co-star Arnold Schwarzenegger.  And Bruce Willis.  And Chuck Norris.  And Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Also rumored to appear is—sigh—John Travolta (hey, they can’t all be winners).

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Oh boy oh boy oh boy—as a fan of good bad movies, this news warms my bitter, cheesy movie-loving heart—The Expendables 2: Help Stallone Cash In All The Chips He Possibly Can During This Brief And Inexplicable Resurgence Of His Popularity has been given an official release date for next year, meaning that 2012 is going to be the best year of my moving-going life.

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Could you image The Expendables without Sylvester Stallone being involved in every little part of the development and production process? The man owned the 80′s action genre of which the movie payed homage to so it only seems right that he would pen and direct the sequel. Unfortunately, 24 Frames claims that Stallone might be handing off those reigns to someone else. What’s up with that?

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