Maybe the whole mad cow thing is making a comeback across the pond. Otherwise, I’m not sure how to explain it. A fluffy, Splenda sweet musical did what James Bond, the Dark Knight or ANY OTHER MOVIE has not been able to do. In 22 weeks, Mamma Mia grossed 69.1 million pounds topping Titanic‘s take by 100,000 pounds…and it’s still playing there. That’s without taking inflation into account it, but still!

So, what is it about a musical wedding movie with a Greek backdrop that swept up our ex-colonists? Their number one film of 2008 is only our twelfth highest grossing film. I predict that if we do a round the world tour we will see a sinister pattern. British colonies will have it in their top ten highest grossing lists (but not in the USA, we had a revolution!) Using data from our friends at box office mojo, let’s take a look around the world and see where  ranked among other countries.

To see if any of the ex-British colonies are trying to kiss up to their former motherland, I’ve added all the former colonies in bold.

• Argentina = #22
• Australia = #2 (Win!)
• Austria = #1 (Um, well…take the “al” out and you get Australia!)
• Belgium = #12
• Brazil = #34
• France = #25
• Germany = #2 (Yeah, but Hancock was number one, so who can trust German taste)
• Greece = #1 (IT WAS FILMED THERE FOR PETE’S SAKE!)
• Hong Kong = #21 (Okay, I admit my colonial theory takes a hit with this one.  In science it’s called an “outlier”)
• India = #90 (Ugh. A body blow. British colony. Loves musicals…)
• Italy = #17
• Kenya = #31 (I got nothing)
• South Africa = #1 (Yes!)
• Sweden = #1 (Sigh. Well, it IS ABBA’s home country)

Sweden, South Africa, Greece, Austria, and of course the UK have all have Mamma Mia! ranked as the number one grossing film of the year and Australia and Germany have ranked it there number two. Ah ha! Well not really.

Looks like my hypothesis failed. It’s success really doesn’t have much to do with the British colonies. If it did than how can Kenya, India, and Hong King be so low on the list? And I mean who the hell can explain why Austria has it ranked as number one?

If you have any theories there, let me know!

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NEW FEATURE FILMS

“Mamma Mia!”

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Meryl Streep, Pearce Brosnan, and Colin Firth

Attention Hollywood! Women Actually Go To The Movies! Repeat. Women Actually Go To The Movies! It seems you don’t need to blow stuff up every five seconds or base movies around decades old comic books or fart jokes in order to make a lot of coin. In fact, this movie took in over half-a-billion-dollars globally.

There’s a chance that “Mamma Mia!” along with the “Sex and The City” movie will actually lead studios to, ya know, actually employ women behind the scenes and actually cast them in intelligent roles, but that still seems doubtful. Maybe they need to make a planned trilogy – that always works. Like with “Jumper”.

Until then, you can pick this ABBA-fest up in either the theatrical version or a two-disc special edition.

“Death Race”

Starring: Jason Statham, Ian McShane and Joan Allen

Continuing with the Hollywood Hates Women theme, we have this movie. Sure it’s sexist, sure it’s an explosion-fest meant as a teenage boy’s wet dream, but neither of those can compare to the fact that Joan Allen is in this movie.

Joan Allen. The star of “The Contender”. Three-time Oscar nominee. One of the five best actresses on the planet. She’s forced to slum in this swill, presumably because she couldn’t find any other work. It doesn’t matter that she was in the Bourne Ultimatum. It doesn’t matter how gifted an actress she is. The fact is that Hollywood makes about seven good roles for female actresses each year and they’re already earmarked for Kate Winslet, Cate Blanchett and Meryl Streep. Meanwhile, an actress every bit their equal has to slum it in a remake of Roger Corman film that starred Sylvester Stallone. Shameful.

If you are, however, a 13-year-old boy, it will excite you endlessly to know that this is available in an unrated edition.

“The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor”

Starring: Brendan Fraser

In a previous column we explored the fact that Brendan Fraser is the most oddly successful movie star of all time, but how about this franchise? It’s grossed over a Billion Dollars Worldwide! How did that happen? Does anybody know anybody who actually likes these movies or has even seen them? It’s not like there are people who wrap themselves in toilet paper and camp out in order to get that first ticket to a midnight showing. Yet these films rake in money like Exxon Mobil. Combine that with Brendan Fraser as the star and “The Mummy” is certainly the most oddly successful film franchise of all time.

All you Mummy heads (if you even exist) can pick this up in the theatrical version or a two-disc deluxe edition.

Also:

• “Burn After Reading” – Learn More – Buy Now
• “Hamlet 2” – Learn More – Buy Now
• “The House Bunny” – Learn More – Buy Now

TV ON DVD

“Generation Kill”

A lot of people missed this seven-part miniseries masterpiece that aired on HBO over the summer, so this is everybody’s chance to see what they’ve been missing.

From the creators of “The Wire”, “Kill” is an adaptation of Evan Wright’s nonfiction account of being embedded with one of the first companies of marines to invade Baghdad. Like the creators’ previous work “Kill” aims for staunch realism and characters that you get to know gradually. It’s almost as if you’re plunged right into the thick of things in Iraq, and that’s just what the writers wanted.

It’s available in a 3-disc set – Buy it now.

• “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”: Volume 6 – Buy Now
• “Petticoat Junction”: Season 1 – Buy Now
• “Ice Road Truckers”: Season 2 – Buy Now
• “Mr. Bean”: Ultimate Collection – Buy Now
• “The A-Team”: Season 1 – Buy Now
• “Gangland”: Season 2 – Buy Now

SPECIAL EDITION OF THE WEEK

“The Little Mermaid Trilogy”

This is literally the only special edition coming out this week and it really comes as a surprise that there are even two Little Mermaid movies, let alone an entire trilogy.

Crack research has uncovered that this trilogy actually includes a prequel “Ariel’s Beginning” and a sequel “Return to the Sea”. So if you’ve been longing to get the full Little Mermaid Story – Buy This Three-Disc Set.

HORRIBLE STRAIGHT-TO-DVD RELEASE OF THE WEEK

“Silent Night, Gory Night”

This week, we get into the Christmas spirit by offering you, dear reader, the gift of not one, not two, but three HSTDRs!!!

That’s right, this is because “Silent Night, Gory Night” is actually a DVD containing three films. What are those films you ask? Well hold on to your Santa hat and brace yourself. Not only does this disc contain the Holiday classic “Satan Claus”, but you’ll also get “Christmas Season Massacre” and “Psycho Santa”! With all that great holiday cheer how can you resist? Buy it now!

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