Summer 2012 is beginning to feel like a game of “release date musical chairs.”   After Paramount’s surprise move to push back action sequel G.I. Joe: Retaliation from June 29th to 2013, Universal has decided to make hay while the proverbial sun shines by shuffling Seth McFarlane‘s R-rated comedy Ted as well.  Ted has now been moved ahead by two weeks and has been dropped into G.I. Joe’s just-vacated June 29th slot.

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Surprising news today: Paramount has decided to push G.I. Joe: Retaliation‘s June 29th release date back a whole nine months. They’ve probably realized that in a summer filled with Avengers, bats and cats, and Ridley Scott’s aliens, their toy-based action film didn’t stand a chance. Or perhaps it was Battleship‘s box office failure that sent them into full panic mode. Either way, Retaliation will hit theaters in 2013 “for 3D conversion.”

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Coming on the heels of the enormously ridiculous full trailer that featured a bevy of actors seemingly covered in Crisco and self-tanning lotion while things in the background go boom boom boom really loud, G.I. Joe Retaliation has finally released a full one-sheet poster, and it’s, well, kind of a mess.

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The summer season is a week away at this point, so it’s time to start making predictions about the biggest movies of the summer. These predictions are always going to be a just little off, but that’s the fun of making wildly inaccurate guesses months before we’ve even seen a film – sometimes you’re right. So here are the top ten films that are going to be trying to make more than $200 Million when they hit.
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In a series of quickly edited shots drenched in a palette of the prerequisite orange and teal, featuring actors fake-baked and color-corrected to an unnatural orange hue and surrounded by a CGI landscape of kabooms, slow-to-fast motion collisions, and Bruce Willis in full-on late-period-bald-Bruce-Willis-paycheck-role mode, the full trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation is basically every other action trailer you’ve seen over the past 10 years.  But hey, it’s got The Rock being all The Rock-y, and a storyline that rips off The A-Team.  Check it out, courtesy of Paramount Pictures.

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Well, another day, another G.I. Joe: Retaliation trailer that shows things exploding, people running while seemingly coated in Crisco to replicate sweat, people shooting at various things, some sword fights on a mountain, and Bruce Willis shows up, shoots people, and smirks for a little bit.  Oh, and The Rock glares at things and occasionally does that eyebrow cocking thing.  Exciting?

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Well, the annual orgy of advertising every possible combination of beer, soda, potato chip, automobile, credit system and film occurred on Sunday night, despite being repeatedly interrupted by some kind of organized game in which something called “The Giants” apparently did something awesome and a strange, well-muscled and blonde corpse danced and lip-synched in what was obviously some kind of pagan or voodoo ritual.  And, in the middle of that ruckus, a few new movie trailers shook loose.

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How do you make a sequel to a modestly received blockbuster like the first G.I. Joe? One: you hired Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Bruce Willis for your action star bonafides. Two: You open your trailer and film by slaughtering the majority of the cast from the previous film. That’s Channing Tatum in the first few moments, and then he seems to leave the film (whether temporarily or permanently it’s hard to say). Check out the trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation… Continue Reading