Oh, the Transformers franchise—a series of films about walking trucks from space that punch each other amidst a sea of inflammatory racial stereotypes, scantily-clad gals who think they’re in a Carl’s Jr. ad, and Shia LaBeouf’s sweaty, manic overacting.  Well, Transformers fans, you have one less thing to worry about concerning Transformers 4—Shia LaBeouf will not be returning to ruin it (but, you know, the overreliance on CGI, bloodless technical skill, and zero story whatsoever will probably still make it horrible).

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The loss of Gary Ross as a director of The Hunger Games sequels has been absolutely devastating for devoted fans of burgeoning franchise. As a rabid fan myself (and as a friend of many other rabid fans), I can’t even begin to tell you how crestfallen we are. Ross was truly one of us – an ardent admirer of the series who happened to also don a director’s cap. His respect for the source material was well known, which is why many supporters trusted him with Suzanne Collins’ words. Now, we’re all left scratching our heads and anxious about what’s to come.

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One week ago, we reported to you that Michael Bay will be producing a reboot of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in which the half-shelled heroes are aliens instead of mutated turtles, and aren’t actually teenagers.  Fan reaction to Twenty-Something Ninja Aliens (which doesn’t sound half bad, actually, especially compared to the bland real title, Ninja Turtles) exploded online, prompting Bay to respond with all the subtlety and aplomb that a man who directs films about walking trucks from space having fistfights can muster.  And now, Bay has spoken out again.

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On Monday, we reported on a story noting that Michael Bay and bottom of the barrel production company Platinum Dunes (behind such wonderful remakes as A Nightmare on Elm Street and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) were rebooting the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise in 2013.  We also noted that Bay announced the Turtles wouldn’t be Turtles as much as they’d be, well aliens.  The internet freaked, fans balked, and so Michael Bay responded.

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Platinum Dunes is a production company that has given us such lustrous movie reboots/remakes as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror, The Hitcher, Friday the 13^th, and A Nightmare on Elm Street, so you know that their Michael Bay-produced reboot of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot is going to be just great.  Especially because the titular Ninja Turtles are going to be—wait for it—aliens.

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Jonathan Liebsman, hot off the upcoming Wrath of the Titans and last year’s Battle Los Angeles, has already lined up his next project. According to Variety, he’ll be bringing back the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to the big screen, from a script by Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol‘s Andre Memec and Josh Applebaum.  The project was set up by Michael Bay‘s company Platinum Dunes, so it’s hard not to speculate the reboot will be done in the style of The Dark Knight (aka gritty and hard edged).

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Well, fans of large-scale mishmashes of the colors teal and orange that cost hundreds of millions of dollars to make all in the hopes that children all over the world will force their parents to buy them tickets to see walking trucks from space punch each other while Shia Labeouf sweats a lot, your day just got better.  The rest of humanity?  Your day just became infinitely worse—as it has been announced that not only is Transformers 4 definitely happening, but director Michael Bay will helm the project and make sure the vaguely racist stereotypes and wooden acting we’ve all come to tolerate returns as well.

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The Transformers franchise is just as successful/popular as any other modern blockbuster with the latest entry (Transformers: Dark of the Moon) having done over a billion dollars worldwide (the highest gross of the franchise). But while talking to the press on the last film, Michael Bay suggested that this was his last go-around with the cars that turn into robots. Now he’s being rumored for a fourth. The director (smartly) will not confirm or deny how close he is to making another.

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Yesterday, we reported that Hasbro and Michael Bay were gunning for a fourth Transformers film.  And if that wasn’t enough bad news for one week, month, year, or decade, try this on for size: it looks like the fourth and fifth (sweet, sweet Jesus protect us) Transformers films are going to be made simultaneously.  And since Shia LaBlablaheooffa has said that he will not return to the franchise, it seems like someone else is going to step in as the human hero of the series—Jason Statham.

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