Tarzan

Tarzan will be coming to theaters again in 2016, this time with Alexander Skarsgard as the titular hero, The Wolf of Wall Street‘s Margot Robbie as Jane and with Christoph Waltz and Samuel L. Jackson, all from Harry Potter director David Yates. This is happening, and it’s kind of a terrible idea.

The best thing to cite in the favor of the remake/reboot/adaptation is that in 1999, Disney scored a huge hit with their animated version of the story, though that played partly because it was a big animated movie. The previous year offered Tarzan and the Lost City starring Casper Van Diem, and it tanked. The 1980′s had two high profile Tarzan riffs: Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, which chased respectability and was mostly boring (though it did get Robert Towne’s sheepdog nominated for an academy award — true story), and the Bo Derek-led Tarzan, the Ape Man, which was famous for featuring gratuitous nudity — though it’s hard to call it all that gratuitous if it’s the reason why the film exists. But this isn’t a series that’s inspired artists (at least in the last three decades), nor is it beloved. It’s just a well known name.

The other big strike against this as a good idea is that John Carter tanked, which was also based on a beloved cult novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs, but where that film offered interstellar adventure, Tarzan is about a man who becomes king of the apes. I don’t know, there’s some interesting politics to that, though we’re guessing the film will try and steer clear of them. But as a huge franchise, I guess they’re hoping audiences are excited for a jungle adventure. It seems like a non-starter. We’ll find out July 1, 2016.

I like bananas, coconuts and grapes?