Wonder what characters from the films of 2013 would be on the naughty or nice list? Here’s a speculation of who would make Santa’s lists and what they would or should get for Christmas.
The Naughty List
Haven’t you heard of The Great Gatsby? He throws amazing parties. Granted, he throws them to impress a married girl. Yeah he met her first and built himself up from nothing but it was for her and not for himself. He did a lot of shady things but at least he took the blame when his lady ran her husband’s mistress over.
What’s under his tree: A swim suit.
Seriously, Santa would not be happy with the collateral damage the Man of Steel did. Did he and Zod really need to destroy super populated areas? “Yes, Zod, lets slam each other through buildings and small towns.” I think they spent a cool second fighting through a field but the catastrophic damage done is simply not excusable.
What’s under his tree: A guide to the planet Earth, probably the one by Jon Stewart. Maps of unpopulated areas and a lump of green stone that may or may not hurt him.
This dragon, from The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, literally crashed a dwarf kingdom, kicked out or killed the inhabitants and just never left. He sleeps on a big ol’ pile of gold and can’t be bothered. Then when a little hobbit and the dwarves return and try to evict him he loses his shit and decides to reek havok on the poor folks over at Laketown. And he’s vain, super vain.
What’s under his tree: An arrow with his name on it from Bard the Bowman.
Where to begin with this one? Well, he’s a tyrant. He pits kids against each other to the death in the annual Hunger Games. Then when a girl from one of the districts outsmarts him, he comes up with a way to bring her back in by throwing a “Quarter Quell” and put winners of past hunger games against each other. She outsmarts him again. What does he do? He LEVELS her entire home of District 12, burned to the ground. Barely any survivors.
What’s under his tree: An impending revolution.
The Nice List
The Cast of This is the End
Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jay Baruchel, and Craig Robinson taught audiences the meaning of true friendship when facing This is the End. They overcame their selfish ways in the face of the end of the world. Well, most of them did. A few were lost among the way, James came so close to being saved! But it was truly Craig’s sacrifice to save his friends that showed them the light.
What’s under their tree: The Backstreet boys and for Craig? Ladies taking their panties off.
In Catching Fire, this airhead lady from the capitol really showed personal growth. Through her care for Peeta and Katniss, her mind opened up to the reality outside of the capitol. Her facade for the Games really began to melt away as she saw her victors become tributes again. The moment she cracked in front of her team with her realization that what was really going on wasn’t fair, really showed her change and that she saw them as friends. She stopped being the 1% and joined the Panem 99%.
What’s under her tree: Something Gold from her victors and Haymitch. Bread from Peeta…because Peeta.
Has the god of mischief redeemed himself? In Thor: The Dark World he helps his brother to avenge the death of his mother. That scene where the illusion of the majestic version of himself fades and reveals he is a sad Loki was really heartwarming. And come on, he fought on the good guy’s side and sacrificed himself! I hear Odin would totally vouch for him to be on the nice list.
What’s under his tree: If he could be given it, Odin would totally give him the throne of Asgard.
This elven warrior stole everyone’s hearts in The Hobbit sequel. She kicked so much ass! Her conviction and rebellion added to her mad fighting skills and she became an awesome addition to the Tolkien universe. Major props for her moments with Kili and breaking down Middle Earth social barriers to work together. Yeah while Legolas was listening to Daddy, Tauriel helped our merry band of heroes escape and fend off those nasty CGI orcs.Then, she followed the gang to help out in Laketown against the bad guys despite Thranduil’s sassy lack of concern for Middle Earth. And yes, we ship her and Kili really hard. She saved him! She walks in STARLIGHT!!
What’s under her tree: Her own movie. More cool weapons. Maybe a loophole for her and Kili to end up together, not dead. Go team Kiliel!
Who’s been the naughtiest and nicest this year in cinema?