stretch armstrong

Oh, Stretch Armstrong movie.  It’s been an increasingly long road to get a film based on you onto the big screen, a film about a 1970s toy figure of a muscular blond man in his underwear who can stretch his appendages and body from 15 inches up to five feet, with latex rubber skin and a body filled with gooey corn syrup.  First, we had an announcement in 2009, then in 2010 Taylor Lautner decided to commit career suicide and star as you, and then in 2012 came the news that the spellcheck-defiant Breck Eisner (Sahara, The Crazies) was to direct your film, and Greg Poirier (National Treasure: Book of Secrets) was going to write your story.  A film about Stretch Armstrong, starring Taylor Lautner, directed by the guy behind Sahara, and penned by the writer behind a National Treasure sequel.  Nothing could go wrong, right?

Well, unfortunately, it seems that Hollywood’s love affair with movie franchises based on toys that aren’t robot cars that punch each other or guy in the military named Joe may be waning, as Relativity Media and Hasbro are finally putting Stretch Armstrong “on ice,” according to Cinema Blend.  While the two companies plan to continue working together and state that Stretch is “an incredible character who will make an incredible movie” (yes, they really said that), they are now leaving the Stretch Armstrong movie behind.  Probably because it was a goddamn Stretch Armstrong movie, about Stretch Armstrong.  Who makes a Stretch Armstrong movie?

What do you think of the Stretch Armstrong news?