amber-heard-danny-trejo-machete-kills

If Robert Rodriguez‘s first Machete movie felt like a half good idea stretched a little thin, then his follow-up Machete Kills looks like a no budget remake. The first (minute-long) trailer announces the film’s September release date, and shows Danny Trejo looking cool, and the film’s list of name actors. But watching this it’s hard to believe it’s a movie, even if it was born out of a fake trailer to start with.

On paper, the cast is pretty great. Trejo returns alongside Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez, and now there’s Sofia Vergara, Charlie Sheen (credited as Carlos Estevez, which is his real name), Mel Gibson, Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding Jr., Amber Heard and Demian Bichir, just to name a few. And perhaps we’re being a little harsh because this is an international trailer, and one of the jokes of the film is that it’s meant to look cheap. Here’s that trailer:

It’s the last shot of the movie that sort of does it in. It appears that Sofia Vergara now has cannons for boobs, and this is supposedly an R-rated movie. Perhaps Rodriguez has spent too long making R rated action movies and kiddie films that somehow they’ve combined in his mind, as a woman with large breasts that are now weapons after Rodriguez’s parade of phallic guns over the course of his career (both Desperado and From Dusk til Dawn feature crotch guns, and that’s just the overt ones, there’s also stuff like Danny Trejo’s motorcycle with a big gun in front in Machete), on top of Vergara shouting “Machete!” To be fair, it looks like a sequel to a movie that based on a trailer. Machete Kills hits theaters September 13.

Does this work for you?