In the penultimate episode of Gossip Girl, Bart Bass showed his true evil. He was never a nice guy, but he always cared about his family — in his own twisted way. In “The Revengers,” Bart took it a little too far, and found himself hugging the ground.

The Players:

Episode Title: “The Revengers”

After a run-in with an increasingly paranoid Bart, Blair grows concerned for Chuck’s safety. However, feeling confident that his father will never hurt him, Chuck makes a deal that could change his life. Blair tries to help him defeat his father with the help of Serena, Ivy, Georgina and Sage. Meanwhile, Nate’s financial dilemma lands him in a place that he never thought he’d be. Also, Dan tries to make amends with Serena.

The Good:

  • Serena Moving to LA: Serena decides that she needs a fresh start. She packs her bags and heads to Los Angeles. The Upper East Side has always been too upscale for the blonde bombshell. She deserves a place where she can bask in the sun and make sex tapes with whomever she wishes (Los Angeles embraces that kind of behavior). We know she’ll end up running back to New York, but how great would it be to have Serena in L.A.?
  • Like Father, Like Son: Thanks to Bart, Nate gets arrested for fraud. He’s denied bail, but his father pulls some strings and Nate waltz’s out of the same day he came in. Back when the Captain was avoiding prison for embezzlement and fraud, Nate was the one who convinced him to turn himself in. We never imagined he’d follow in his father’s footsteps. But we do like seeing him and his father back together again. Sometimes a kid just needs his dad.
  • Army of Bitches: Blair ditches her minions for the army of bitches: Georgina, Serena, Ivy and Sage. Sage’s a newbie, and we would much prefer Jenny instead of her. We’re digging the badass girl gang.
  • Worth Noting: Towards the end of the episode, Serena tells Dan that she doesn’t want to be “psychoanalyzed” by him. And that’s when it hit us, these kids never go to therapy. Even Carrie Bradshaw and her friends had therapists, how come these kids don’t? Oh right, they only go to emergency sessions (at the Ostroff center) when one of them is suicidal or hooked on drugs. Not having regular therapy sessions is one of the major flaws of this show.

Best Lines:

  • “I go to Constance. I know an eating disorder when I see one.” –Sage
  • “I mean I don’t know how Claire Danes does this. Spying hurts my head.” –Nate
  • “Do one thing before you go. Kiss me Chuck Bass.” –Blair
  • “Bart Bass may be able to fool the FBI, but he has never had to face-off against Blair Waldorf and her bitches.” –Blair
  • “That’s the problem with this generation. They’re so entitled. They don’t even say please.” – Bart
  • “I have no interest in being psychoanalyzed by my evil biographer.” –Serena
  • “Serena, I know I hurt you, but I still love you.” –Dan

The So-So:

  • Humphrey’s Change of Heart: It was only a matter of time before Dan started apologizing and feeling bad for what he did. He’s just not an evil guy. But we enjoyed seeing him rise to the top and instill some fear in his peers.

The Bad:

  • Chuck’s Plane Incident: We knew Chuck’s plane to Moscow would crash before getting to its destination. We also knew he wouldn’t be in it. The twist of events was hardly a twist. 
  • Nate and Sage: Seeing Sage and Nate together makes us miss Vanessa. She was annoying sure, but she had so much more depth to her. She was a complicated and mostly nice character. Sage is a poor little rich girl who happens to be a TEENAGER!
  • The Music in the Final Episode: What was up with the melodramatic music in the final scene? It sounded like some Bond knock-off music.
  • Bart’s Fall: Maybe it was the cheesy music, but Bart’s fall was the worst thing ever. After he let go of the rails and “fell,” we thought he was going to fly up, like a super-villain, wearing some rocket boots on his feet. Actually, that would have been awesome! But nothing happened. He just fell… all the way down.

Overall:

With one episode left, we understand the writers are trying to cram in as much as they can. But “The Revengers” was way too busy. Between Bart’s take down, Dan’s remorse, Nate getting arrested and all of those Verizon phone closeups, we thought our heads were going to explode. Please, let the series finale be better!

Rating: 5.5/10

Gossip Girl airs Mondays at 9 p.m on the CW.

Photo Gallery:

What did you think of last night’s Gossip Girl?