This week, the plot thickens on True Blood as Bill and Eric finally meet the powers that be in “Authority Always Wins.” Also, Pam gets a juicy backstory that details her bloodsucking origins. Oh, and what’s Tara like as a vampire? Two words: “Not pleasant.” Can Sookie and Lafayette tame the baby beast?

The Players:

  • Director: Michael Lehmann
  • Writer: Mark Hudis
  • Cast: Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer, Sam Trammell, Ryan  Kwanten, Rutina Wesley, Alexander Skarsgard, Christopher Meloni

Episode Title: “Authority Always Wins”

Eric and Bill try to outsmart the Vampire Authority when they’re interrogated at their New Orleans headquarters. Meanwhile, Pam recalls her first meeting with Eric in early 20th-century San Francisco, and Alcide turns his back on Marcus’ wolf pack. Emma’s grandmother comes between Sam and Luna, while Steve Newlin wants what he thinks belongs to Jessica. And unfortunately, Jason’s womanizing past comes back to haunt him.

The Good:

  • Sense of Humor: Whereas the premiere opened with a series of cheesy one-liners, this week’s episode takes almost every opportunity to make a tension-filled scene humorous. We even chuckled out loud at Hoyt’s mom’s cleverness and Jessica’s baby-vamp angst. But mostly just at Hoyt’s Mom.
  • Tara: We all agree that Tara’s even more annoying in vampire form than when she was as a human, right? So why is that good, you ask? Because it brings up a good question surrounding the core of this vampire-loving phenom: Is it ethical to turn someone into a monster to save them from mortality?

The Bad:

  • Church and State: Blood-thirsty politicians? Sure! It’s a good opportunity for commentary on the government. But aimless blasphemy that adds no real value to the plotline, fails to develop Eric’s character, and mocks the story of Adam and Eve? Ouch. Even the symbol on their religious text looks like an insect. Talk about taking it too far.
  • Too Many Plotlines: Too many different plotlines created a level of disconnection. It felt more like a “filler” episode than anything meant to move along the plot.
  • Suspense: We mean…what suspense? Our introduction to The Authority proved anticlimactic and illogical (seriously, if we were vampires being tortured with UV lights in jail cells, we’d just hide under our beds). And in traditional True Blood style, the main bad guy shows up in the last 15 minutes of the show. This time, it’s 500-year-old Roman, but his incredible power and the impending doom of the main characters wasn’t believable. Even his mimicry lacked intensity.

The Quotes:

  • Salome: “Mr. Northman, you’re taller than I expected.”
  • Sam: “Easy now, she just lost her son.” Luna: “She just ATE her son!”
  • Sookie: ”Hi, I’d like to purchase your finest hand cannon, please.”
  • Andy: “Have you slept with every woman in this town?” Jason: “I don’t know. I’m close, I guess.”
  • Jessica: ”Hair pulling? Really?”
  • Jessica: “Go back to your human lives before I eat you.”
  • Eric: “He pissed me off, and I pissed him off. You know how these things go.”

Overall:

“Authority Always Wins” was quite an improvement from “Turn! Turn! Turn!” because some cheesiness was lost. But if said cheesiness is going to be replaced by offensive blasphemy, clumsy plots, inattention to logic, and a lack of suspense, then we’ll be disappointed again. It’s a waste of potential to ignore more ethical situations like Tara’s transformation or more hilarity like Hoyt’s mother.

Rating: 2/10

True Blood airs Sunday nights at 9 p.m. on HBO.

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