Last night’s episode of Gossip Girl was all about poor little rich kids with major parent issues. As we’ve learned in the past few episodes: William is Lola’s dad and Diana is Chuck’s mom, but it’s not that simple (it never is on this show). Get ready for one of the most confusing Gossip Girl episodes yet. Here’s our review of ‘Despicable B’.

The Players:

Episode Title: “Despicable B

Blair plots to ensure her social status remains intact, while Lily tries to solidify her family by hosting a dinner for them and the media. Elsewhere, Nate looks into Diana’s background and discovers that she might not be Chuck’s mother after all.

The Good:

  • Lily Becomes Her Mother: It makes sense that Lily would take the place of Cece in the family. There’s no longer someone around to do the ‘cleaning around’. This is a good way to show that Lily is yearning for her mother’s death (maybe because the two never had a good relationship), and also show that people eventually do become their parents, which was always a huge fear of Lily’s.
  • Nate Does Snooping: There’s a cool little sequence of Nate doing some snooping around at Diana’s hotel room. We’re not entirely sure how he got in (he might’ve tipped the bellboy or something), but we see him searching and moving in fast motion to some cool music.

The Bad:

  • Chuck’s Dad (SPOILERS): This is where it gets confusing. It turns out neither Diana nor Elizabeth are Chuck’s mothers (actually Elizabeth might be). This whole time we’ve been leading up to the bigger question which is, who is Chuck’s Dad? Breath. WHAT? Seriously? It seems like Jack Bass, the rapist/junkie/thief, might be Chuck’s real father, which would explain why Bart Bass was such a terrible father, but wouldn’t explain why Jack has been such a terrible uncle.
  • Nate Spills The Beans: This is just one of the many errors during last night’s show. Nate spills the beans about William being Lola’s dad (well, technically he says Lola met her father, but Serena connects the dots). Lola said she wanted to keep this a secret, wouldn’t Nate get the hint? He’s suppose to be a journalist, keeping secrets is his job yet he continues to spread everyone’s business around like he’s the Perez Hilton of the Upper East Side.
  • Blair Reads Magazines: Blair has never picked up a magazine (and who reads paper magazines nowadays anyway?). In last night’s episode, she decides to relax and ‘catch up on her reading’, Dorota stops her, but Blair eventually picks up a magazine and sees that Dan has been named a ‘high brow’ person. Gossip Girl is a show about an anonymous person sharing everyone’s business and creating drama, why use a magazine when we’ve been using Gossip Girl throughout the whole series? Oh right, because Serena’s too busy dealing with her daddy issues. Writers, please bring the real Gossip Girl back!
  • Serena Connects The Dots: Serena is not that smart, she just isn’t.
  • Blair Steals Dan’s Thunder: Blair decides to interrupt Dan while he’s giving an important speech at a New York society event. Seeing Blair’s actions last night was a major disappointment because it showed that she hasn’t matured one bit.

Overall:

This season has been one giant mess – we’re always being told one thing, then told another: Georgina’s gossip girl, wait no, she isn’t; Diana’s Chuck’s mom, wait no, she isn’t; Jack donated blood for Chuck, wait no, he didn’t. The writers are taking us for fools, and it’s not nice. Next thing you know, they’re going to tell us that this whole time, Gossip Girl was a hologram.

Rating: 4/10

“Gossip Girl” airs at 8 p.m. on The CW.

Gallery:

What did you think of last night’s episode?