The Top Model girls are divided into teams to create and record music videos. America’s Next Top Model: All Stars winner, Lisa D’Amato, helps the girls plan, choreograph and direct a music video. At the video shoot, former Pussycat Doll Jessica Sutta and Girls Aloud singer Nadine Coyle are brought in to offer their expertise. Kyle and Laura get into a rift, and Azmarie thinks she’s too cool for Tyra.

The Players:

  • Judges: Tyra Banks, Nigel Barker, Kelly Cutrone, Jessica Sutta, Nadine Coyle
  • Cast: Alisha, Annaliese, Azmarie, Catherine, Eboni, Kyle, Laura, Seymone, Sophie

Episode Title: “Jessica Sutta and Nadine Coyle”

Previously, on America’s Next Top Model: British Invasion: The girls had a photo shoot where they were covered with maple syrup. Eboni got photo of the week; Ashley got sent home.

The episode opens with the girls coming home and the US models getting a box of goodies for Eboni’s win. Alisha holds a sign up to the camera that says, “I’m not talking until I’m picture of the week.” Yeah right, I’m sure the producers will have something to say about that, Alisha.

Laura sits out by the pool and camera talks that right before she left for the show her friend Kevin died. Kevin had given Laura a stuffed animal that she named Alan. Alan appears to be some kind of badger or water rodent. Sophie grabs Alan and says that he needs a bath. She runs out to the pool and is threatening to drop Alan into it, but Laura chases her down and gets Alan back. However, in the midst of the scurfuffle, Alan’s ear comes off and gets dropped in the pool. Kyle tries to get the ear, but Laura sees it as her pushing the ear further away. So Laura takes it as an affront to Kevin’s memory and starts crying hysterically. Laura says that Kyle is dead to her; Kyle says that Laura is a psychopath.

At that moment, who should show up to the house but the winner of America’s Next Top Model: All Stars, Miss Lisa D’Amato? *coughitshould’vebeenAlisoncough*. Lisa tells them that in this week’s challenge they’re going to be making music videos. The girls are going to be divided into girl groups: US vs. UK, what else? The UK girls’ mentor is Nadine Coyle, singer of Girls Aloud. The US girls’ mentor is Jessica Sutta from the Pussy Cat Dolls. Lisa gives them their music and they divide up to work on their videos. Azmarie camera talks that she would never even be in a boy band let alone a girl group. Nadine Coyle has an Ashley-type Scottish accent (meaning she kind of needs sub-titles).

The next day, the girls meet up with Lisa at the recording studio. The UK girls reveal that their girl band name is “Fiercely British;” the US girls’ band is named “The United Sirens of America.” Once again, they have to say “pot ledom” in their songs, which is “top model” backwards…sigh. The UK girls absolutely rock it out and are totally sassy. And then Kyle goes for the US girls…and it’s terrible. Seymone is mad because she has to say “ain’t” in her part of the song. Laura thinks she sounds X-rated. Eboni sounds like a robot; Alisha says that Azmarie sounds like she’s not taking it seriously, and is “taking the biscuit out of the challenge.” At the end of the day, Lisa says the UK is one point ahead.

The next day, the girls meet up with Tyra Banks to learn their choreography. Tyra is there to teach them the “art of the booty tooch.” She gives them all fake booties to stuff into their booty tooch shorts and Azmarie is appalled and refuses to put her booty on. Tyra says if she refuses to put it on she has to leave, and so Azmarie leaves.

So first Tyra shows them all the wrong booty tooches: the hoochie tooch, the poochie tooch, the smoochie tooch, and the dookie tooch. The right booty tooches are: the standard booty tooch, the side tooch, the goochie tooch, and the juicy tooch. Then, Tyra teaches them the smize dance. And this whole paragraph is just one squiggly line in Microsoft Word. My spell check is seriously freaking out right now.

The next day, the girls meet up with Jay Manuel for their video shoots. Jessica and Nadine are also there to advise the girls some more. The UK girls go first with their video for Fiercely British’s first single, “We’ll Mash You Up.” Sophie is definitely the worst of the UK girls. The US girls AKA the United Sirens of America’s first single is called, “Stop, Drop N Tooch.” The whole time Kyle has a deer in the headlights look. Like her eyes are literally as wide as she can make them…like dinner plates. When Azmarie does her part of the song, Jay camera talks that she needs to keep her ego in check.


The guest judges are Nadine Coyle and Jessica Sutta. First they watch the US girls’ video. Laura kind of looks like Ke$ha. Nigel says that Seymone owned it. Kelly Cutrone says that Laura was nasty dirty punk and like a nasty mechanic. Kelly says that she doesn’t want to get up and tooch with Seymone. And it makes me laugh to hear her say tooch. Nigel says that Azmarie looks like she’s too cool for it. Tyra says that Eboni was smoochie tooching. Kyle doesn’t get a very good review from any of the judges.

Next they watch the UK girls’ video, which is much better than the US girls, IMO. Kelly Cutrone says that Catherine gave a very nice performance. Nadine says she’s very impressed with Sophie, and Kelly says she looks like an Andy Warhol-esque blonde bombshell. Nigel says that Alisha was totally professional. Kelly says she felt like Alisha was going to take them to a dirty, bad-ass castle. Everyone loves Annaliese with her “excite to buy” attitude.

Tyra announces she has nine girls standing before her, but only eight photographs in her hands.

  1. Alisha gets best video performance
  2. Sophie – UK
  3. Catherine – UK
  4. Annaliese – UK
  5. Seymone – US
  6. Laura – US
  7. Eboni – US

It comes down to Kyle and Azmarie. The judges think they both have amazing model physicality, but the judges think Azmarie acts like she’s too cool for school, while Kyle lacks oomph.

8. Kyle

Next time, on America’s Next Top Model: British Invasion: Kyle and Laura are tiffin’. Estelle the singer shows up. The girls have some kind of food fight-themed photo shoot.


There wasn’t as much drama as I would have liked in this episode. The whole Laura and Alan ear thing: blah. Azmarie refusing to wear booty pads: a little more exciting, but I kind of understand it. I hope this season starts getting a little more exciting and that they stop doing everything in teams.

Rating: 7/10

America’s Next Top Model: British Invasion airs on Wednesday nights on The CW.

What did you think of the episode?