Well, it finally happened last night—the first non-Charlie Sheen episode of Two and a Half Man aired last night.  The show, which, even with Sheen in the starring role was still one of the crappiest comedies on TV, is now starring Ashton Kutcher since Sheen publically flamed out and was kicked off the program.  Many were curious how Sheen’s character, Charlie Harper, would be killed off, and how Kutcher’s character, Walden Schmidt, would be introduced.  Well, Sheen’s character got pushed in front of a train in Paris (“His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat”), and Kutcher played a man who tried to kill himself in the ocean, and then decides to buy Sheen’s character’s house instead.  Oh, the hilarity, right?  Wrong.  And it seems most critics agree.

Todd VanDerWerff of the The AV Club came down hard:

The problem is that Charlie Harper’s function was never horribly well defined. He was just a guy who sat around and tossed out horrible one-liners. So that means that Walden Schmidt feels a little desperate, a little too much like a show that prided itself on pushing people away as much as possible—a show that started with a funeral chorus of the theme song guys singing “Men” to the tune of the funeral march, for God’s sake—trying its darnedest to get people to like it. God willing, it’s not going to work out.

David Hinckley of The New York Daily News was not impressed with Kutcher:

Ashton Kutcher proved Monday night as he joined the cast of “Two and a Half Men” that he has no problem being naked.

Now he just needs to work on being funny.

Matt Roush of TV Guide laid it down like this:

Lots of fart and penis humor before it was all over, because you didn’t think Sheen’s departure would prompt a reinvention of CBS’s most successful and raunchiest comedy, did you? The show is and always has been a literal gag machine. “This is depressingly familiar,” said Alan toward the end, shortly before making his latest pathetic masturbation joke — some things never change — and for those who’ve never been amused, that was no doubt true. But for the millions who’ve reveled in its caustic innuendo and helped make the show a cash cow in syndication, there was no doubt a sense of relief in seeing the machine chugging along again with no apologies.

The consensus?  Two and a Half Men still sucks, but now it sucks even more, thanks to Ashton Kutcher’s schtick.  Congrats, CBS!

What did you think of Two and a Half Men?