In a very public act of viciously and brutally beating a dead horse into the ground as we all stand around in shocked, disbelieving silence tinged with the weary acceptance that it’s going to happen no matter what we do, Charlie Sheen has announced that he will be starring in a big-screen adaptation of his life, A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charlie Swan III.  Seriously.

Except, there will be few differences.  Charlie Sheen will be playing Charlie Swan, for one thing.  Oh, and Swan is a graphic designer, instead of an actor who was pretty ok in Platoon and Hot Shots!.

ShowBiz has the scoop:

“The film’s plotline intersects with some of Sheen’s real-life travails — and no, he’s not playing a warlock. “Glimpse” follows a successful graphic designer whose fame, money and charm have made him irresistible to women. But when his girlfriend breaks up with him his life heads into a downward spiral.”

So who is bringing this cinematic kick to our culture’s collective nuts to the bring screen?  Why it’s Roman Coppola, son of Francis and director of the quite awesome and underrated CQ.  The film will costar Jason Schwartzman.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit in my closet and methodically rock back and forth while emitting a low hum for the next few hours, until I can purge this article from my memory.

What do you think of the Sheen news?