Big news, you guys, BIG NEWS. Like totes OMG! Guys, Beyonce is pregnant! Haven’t you heard? This is amazing! A man and woman have reproduced for the first time in human history! Can you believe it! WOW!
In addition to the pregnancy of Beyonce being so breathlessly reported that it turns out her ovaries glow in the dark, cure cancer, will end the war on terror, and destroy all disease and poverty, it turns out that her knocked up-ness is also sending shockwaves into Hollywood—it’s even sucking Clint Eastwood into its event horizon.
You see, Beyonce was set to star in Clint’s remake of A Star is Born, which is set to film in February—so it seems that the filming will now have to pushed back to accommodate Beyonce’s birthing of the Christ Child 2.0, according to The AV Club.
Still, the delay could actually end up being a good thing, seeing as the film has yet to find a male lead: Now that he no longer has to humor Eastwood on the set of J. Edgar, Leonardo DiCaprio is officially out, which leaves the field wide-open for someone else to step in and play the bitter alcoholic to Beyoncé’s rising ingénue.
Gosh, guys, what if Eastwood got to Jay-Z to do it?!? Wouldn’t that be, like, soooooo amazing? And then they can have their Savior Of All Things—er, I mean, their baby—have a cameo! And the child’s radiant light will wash over us all from screens across the world, and the righteous and unrighteous alike will be bathed in its holy vision.
Or it’s just another of the thousands of kids that’ll be born that day. Either way.
What do you think of the A Star is Born push-back?