Well, it’s Friday in August, which means it’s time for all the movies that the studios were afraid to release during the high days of summer are now getting dumped into the cinematic elephant’s graveyard that is the eighth month of our calendar year. One such film is Colombiana starring Zoe Saldana, which is the kind of movie Angelina Jolie would have made about two years ago, when she was heavy into the woman-who-weighs-72-pounds-is-still-somehow-a-kill-machine-badass genre.
So, is it worth your time? We’ve gathered up an array of critical reviews to help you decide whether or not to plunk down $20 to see a film about a lady assassin who launches a rampage of revenge against those who have wronged her (let’s just pretend like you haven’t already seen Kill Bill Vols. 1-2, ok?).
L.A. Times: “…the filmmakers never forget their main agenda is action and elimination, piling up the bodies in increasingly exotic and unbelievably complex ways, all very cleverly and cleanly shot by director of photography Romain Lacourbas, who worked with Megaton on “Transporter 3.” Keeping the style at Maxim levels is production designer Patrick Durand with costume designer Olivier Bériot making the most of the sartorial possibilities afforded by Saldana’s lean, leggy frame.”
Variety: “…Saldana’s contribution is key. Despite being a ruthless killer with a killer bod and a predilection for skimpy, tight-fitting apparel (costume designer Olivier Beriot seems to have taken a cue from the “Avatar” thesp’s motion-capture body suit), she not only exudes sexiness but also generates a certain amount of sympathy.”
MSNBC: “Lt. Uhura wants to kill Bill — or something like that. Zoe Saldana (“Star Trek,” “Avatar”) plays a sexy contract killer who puts her parents’ murderers in her vengeful crosshairs. A slick actioner from assassin-genre godfather Luc Besson, “Colombiana” is often preposterous but never boring.”
Box Office Magazine: “While most action films fall apart because they succumb to stupidity, Colombiana suffers most because it tries to be too smart.”
New York Times: “The overall effect is distancing; there are some early comic moments that have you laughing along with the movie, but eventually the clashing tones and preposterousness just have you laughing.”
New York Post: “The action scenes, though ridiculous and building up to a grand finale in which Cataleya beats a guy senseless with a hand towel and then stabs him with a toothbrush, aren’t as painful as the clunky “romantic” interludes.”
So there you have it. Translation? Sounds like you might as well just wait until it comes out on Blu-Ray to rent it, or stream it when it hits Netflix, just to check out Saldana’s winning performance. In the meantime, you’re better off revisiting stuff like La Femme Nikita or Kill Bill.
What do you think of Colombiana?