So what do you do if you’ve just seen an amazing—utterly amazing—film, that is one of the absolute bests in its genre and is so close to perfect that there’s almost no difference?  Well, if you work in Hollywood, you pointlessly remake it, that’s what.

Which is why Pineapple Express and Your Highness director David Gordon Green is set to direct a remake of the absolutely bandannas (and quite excellent) Italian film Suspiria, a vivid masterwork about a coven of witches that run a ballet school and set their sights on taking down an American ballet student who recently arrived.

The remake was originally set to star Natalie Portman, but since she’s already done the ballet horror thing, it looks like she’s now out, according to First Showing.  So says Green himself:

“I want an unknown cast, and I think she’s a little too old for it. My version isn’t necessarily about ballet, it’s more of an all-girls boarding school, so I think she’s probably too old to pass for a high school-er. I don’t think it will have names, but hopefully it will be at a studio. Because I definitely enjoy having a movie that gets marketed that people go to see. But there’s no greater passport. ‘Suspiria’ is a great reason to move to Germany, hang out there for awhile, discover some new European cast members, find something scary.”

So it looks like Green will be ditching the dance-school element, the Italian setting, and he’s making it about teenagers.  Sigh.  But hey, the last time a strange, phantasmagoric film about teen girls in a surreal setting came out, everybody liked it, right?  Um, right?

What do you think about the Suspiria remake news?