Time to look back on the final episode of season three of Jersey Shore. As the cast’s time in Jersey comes to an end, they all take one last stab at fighting/drinking/screwing. Some succeed, some fail. Either way, we laugh.
- Cast: Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi, Samantha ‘Sammi Sweetheart’ Giancola, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Jenni ‘Jwoww’ Farley, Vinny Guadagnino, Deena Cortese, Pauly ‘Pauly D’ Delvecchio
Episode Title: “At The End Of The Day”
All the roommates say their goodbyes to each other and another Summer at the Jersey shore. To make their last weekend count, they throw a party for themselves and their friends and family, where Deena cockblocks Vinny from hooking up with one of her friends. The house then throws a final house dinner, where – as per usual – everyone is on pins and needles because of Ronnie and Sammi. To top it all off, the group heads to club Karma one last time, where Jenni and Roger make themselves an item, Pauly and Vinny make out with random girls, and Ronnie and Sammi piss each other off.
- Uncle Nino: Vinny’s uncle Nino came back for the end of the Summer party the house threw for friends and family. Nino’s always a good laugh. You know, because he’s all sweaty and old & stuff and still grinds on the dance floor like a champ.
- Jenni + Roger Sitting in a Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G: Jenni finds a boyfriend, and his name is Roger. After weeks of hooking up, Jenni and Roger finally decide that they’re going to be exclusive. We don’t know much about Roger, but he’s bound to be an upgrade from her ex, Tom, who stole the hard drive from Jenni’s computer after they broke up so he could – we presume – sell a tape of them humping.
- Snooki Gets the Smush Room: Snooki wanted to go out with a bang, and she did…literally…with some dude named Nick on their last night at Karma. It was worth it to her, because according to her logic, guys are better in the sack when they’ve drank a lot of whiskey. If only that were the case…
- Ronnie & Sammi Break Up Again, Maybe For Good: Ronnie and Sammi have their weekly blowout after the house hits up club Karma. Why is it good this time? Because we have blind hope that maybe they’re done for good, and maybe it will carry over into next season.
- Deena’s a Cockblock: Deena cockblocks Vinny from hooking up with one of her friends. Why? First because of Snooki, then to just be a cockblock. Deena, you were brought onto the cast to be Snooki’s dirtier, trashier twin sister, not to start cockblocking one of the guys.
- Mike is a Douche: Mike apologizes to Sammi for starting drama…after the shit had already hit the fan in the ‘did-Sammi-make-out-with-Arvin-or-not?’ drama. At least Sammi admitted in the confessional that knows he’s a shady mofo.
- Ronnie Cries: After their final vicious fight before moving out, we see Ronnie walk outside crying. Really bro? Crying? We understand you love her, but at this point you should be beyond desensitized to all the slings and arrows you two throw at each other.
- Mike: D Mike wouldn’t stop sniping or get out of Sammi’s face when she was talking on the phone to Arvin, trying to mend things with Ronnie. Plus, he totally blew on that Donald Trump roast.
- Vinny: A If only for the fact that he was the first cast member to openly say that he was done with the Ronnie & Sammi drama.
- Snooki: A+ Our congratulations to Snooki for being the only one to pull off a hook up (that we know of, anyway) on their last night at Karma.
- Deena: C She tried to compensate Vinny for being an unrepentant cockblock by cooking him some grilled cheese later on in the episode, but the damage was done.
- Jwoww: B She may have found her true love, but didn’t do much outside of that.
- Pauly: A Another episode of Vinny having more fun than anybody else and starting no drama. Why can’t everybody else be like this guy?
- Ronnie & Sammi: F If there was a lower grade we could give them, we would. They single-handedly ruined this season.
In Their Own Words:
- “Ron dog, you ain’t that dumb, dog. I’m right there, and I’m gonna make sure that sneaky bitch don’t getcha.” – Mike
- “I think at this point, we should just let them deal with it. Us getting involved is making it worse.” – Deena
- “I base my outfit from the kicks. I start from the ground up.” – Pauly
- “I can do the worm pretty good. I just didn’t want my kooka to come out.” – Snooki
- “I just thought, like, she wasn’t Angelina.” – Pauly, referring to Deena, and perhaps dishing the best burn of the season.
- “Whiskey sex is definitely the best sex. It’s when a guy can have sex for, like, five hours because he’s so drunk…or his penis is so drunk.” – Snooki.
- “Why is Ronnie and Sammi fine? I don’t understand, though, because they were fine.” – Deena
Little bit of an underwhelming season finale, but that’s expected considering the low quality of this season overall. We really, really hope they can pick it up in Italy.
Next season of “Jersey Shore”, airing this Summer, will feature the cast living in Italy!