Because Hollywood will not rest until the whole world looks like a 3D film directed by Guy Ritchie, we now have the official trailer for The Three Musketeers in 3D.  Which is actually a pretty subtle title, considering it was originally The 3D Musketeers in 3D to the 3rd Dimension in 3D So Please, Please Pay an Inflated Ticket Price because it’s 3D and Orlando Bloom Does Stuff with a Sword and You Guys Still Like That, Right? (in 3D).

Starring Orlando Bloom, Christoph Waltz, and Milla Jovovitch, the film tells the classic Alexandre Dumas tale, but with more explosions and witty repartee and that weird Orlando Bloom stare thing that he does a lot to convey ‘intensity.’  The Three Musketeers in 3D is was directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, whose credits include Mortal Kombat, the Resident Evil films, and Alien vs. Predator.  So… it’s got that going for it, too.

Dig the trailer:

So basically it looks like Stanley Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon, but with stuff blowing up and flying at the camera, and Milla Jovovitch being all Milla Jovovitch-y.  Also, I’d like to hereby submit ‘Milla Jovovitch-y’ to the film bloggers lexicon, right next to my other critical shorthands, such as ‘Orlando Bloom blank stare,’ or that other gem, ‘wow, this new 3D cannibalization of a classic novel by Dumas looks really, really dumb, but hey, 3D!’.

What do you think of the trailer?