It’s time to review season three’s penultimate episode (yeah, we thought last week was the penultimate episode, so sorry about that) of “Jersey Shore“. Things between Ronnie and Sammi are looking to come to a head as the season winds down, and we wonder how they can possibly be featured in Italy next season without burying the show permanently.
- Cast: Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, Samantha ‘Sammi Sweetheart’ Giancola, Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Vinny Guadagnino, Jenni ‘Jwoww’ Farley, Pauly ‘Pauly D’ Delvecchio, Deena Cortese
Episode Title: “A House Divided”
Vinny decides that, to be a true guido, he needs to join the rest of the boys and get his ears pierced. The cast finishes up their employ at the t-shirt shop, much to the relief of the store’s owner. Pauly and Vinny bring girls back to the house from Karma, giving Vinny a chance to be a royal douche. Ronnie and Sammi seem like they’re on a good footing, but an unexpected phone call from Ronnie’s mom leads to more drama between them, with Mike right in the middle of it.
- Ronnie’s Drunk Mom: Anyone remember college? Yeah, drunk mom’s are fun no matter what. When Ronnie’s mom drunk-dialed the house wondering what the deal was between Ronnie and Sammi (just like the rest of us), she injected some much needed life into the whole relationship saga, and gave Mike a golden opportunity to do what by now we know he does best: be a total dick.
- Sammi & Vinny’s Rap Battle: We really hope this becomes a weekly thing – two roommates using awesomely-bad freestyle to diss each other after a long night of drinking instead of just random yelling. This week it was Sammi & Vinny. If you watched it, you know it ended – Vinny laying the smackdown on Sammi.
- Deena’s Denim Outfit: We’re not sure when the last time denim was popular. The 80s, maybe? Whatever, the world needs laughter now more than ever.
- Danielle: Because it wouldn’t be a Jersey Shore episode without Pauly’s perpetual stalker who can’t take a hint. It’s nice to have the tables turned on these guys every once in a while and get freaked out by a girl, since they obviously don’t run from STDs.
- The Shore Store: We have no idea whose idea it was to have the cast go back to the t-shirt store for their Summer jobs, but they should’ve taken a cue from The Real World and switched the boardwalk formula up a little bit. Everybody knows these guys are millionaires, so what’s the point of them working at the t-shirt store?
- Snooki + Vinny: Somehow, these guys together are worse than Ronnie and Sam. At least Ron and Sam make drama. Vinny and Snooki together mix as well as oil and herpes.
- Vinny Getting His Ears Pierced: Didn’t we tell you about this already, Vinny? You’re not a G, buddy, no matter how many accessories you get pressured into buying.
- Mike: C First, he blows the Donald Trump roast, then he spills the beans about Ronnie’s poon-houndery in Miami to Ronnie’s drunk mom. It just keeps getting worse for this kid.
- Vinny: D First he gets the earrings, then he kicks the two girls he & Pauly brought back to the house from Karma because one of the girls’ brothers showed up. Not to mention he was a total dick to the brother, who was only trying to make a plan to get his sister back home safe. Erroneous
- Snooki: C We never thought we’d be saying this to you, Snooki, but you’re too good to be moping and whining over Vinny. We like you a lot better when you’re only worried about drinking, fighting, and smashing with random dudes not named Vinny.
- Deena: A The denim outfit she wore out to Karma alone earns her a high mark.
- Pauly: B Not much to knock or praise. Pauly just keeps being the fun guy who always manages to avoid drama and have a blast no matter what. Could be this season’s MVP.
- Jwoww: B Out of the whole cast, she seems to be the best at not making an ass out of herself.
- Ronnie & Sam: F Round and round we go with their on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, off-again, on-again, on-again, on-again please kill me relationship.
In Their Own Words:
- “It just so happens that Deena defies the law of intelligence.” – Mike, in the worst case of the pot calling the kettle black since…Hitler probably calling some guy an anti-Semite way back when.
- “Them earrings changed my man Vinny.” – Pauly after Vinny gets his ears pierced. Yep, them earrings did change your man…into a tool.
- “Danielle has plans to kidnap Pauly and slowly, slowly cut his blow-out down to nothing.” – Mike. Yep, that sounds about right.
- “Right now me and Sam definitely have trust issues.” – Ronnie
- “My girl was dtf, but sometimes when family gets involved, uh you know, it just gets a little too weird.” – Vinny
- “Let’s be real, you didn’t come here for, like, pastries and coffee, you came here to do sex with Pauly and Vinny. You embarrassed yourself.” – Deena, again with the pot calling the kettle black.
A slight upgrade from last episode, but that really isn’t saying much. The Ronnie and Sammi drama was more subdued, so everybody got a chance to get stupid and have some harmful fun. A decent lead-in to the finale.