Like the rest of you, I’ve found myself unable to sleep at night, deeply, deeply concerned about how Charlie Sheen will be able to maintain his finances in the wake of being fired from Two and a Half Men.  Well, gang, breathe easy—I think the little scamp that could is going to be A-OK.

That’s because The Hollywood Report has noted today that Sheen is set to make a cool $300,000 from the first two nights alone of touring the country with his Charlie Sheen Live: My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option spoken-word tour, in which he is going to make gargantuan amounts of money for being coke-thin and saying a string of nonsense words together in a fashion vaguely coherent enough for fratboys to fashion t-shirts and slogans out of.

According to THR:

“His first engagements in Detroit and Chicago sold out on in a record-breaking 18 minutes. (Five additional dates were announced March 15, including a gig at the 6,000-seat capacity Radio City Music Hall in New York.) Sheen will pocket about $300,000 for the first two shows, sources say.”

And it’s looking like he could easily pocket $150,000 per show—which, if this teaches us anything, it’s that doing an insane amount of drugs always, always pays off if you say funny things while you do them.

What do you think of Sheen’s decision to tour?