We’ve put it off long enough here on Screencrave, so now it’s time to talk Jersey Shore. This week featured the season’s penultimate episode, where Ronnie & Sammi try to make sense of their relationship, and the housemates get into the pranking spirit…
- Cast: Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, Samantha ‘Sammi Sweetheart’ Giancola, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Nicole ‘Snooki, Polizzi, Jenni ‘Jwoww’ Farley, Vinny Guadagnino, Pauly ‘Pauly D’ Delvecchio, Deena Cortese
Episode Title: “GTF: Gym, Tan, Find Out Who Is Texting Sammi”
Vinny and Pauly decide to take a road trip to Staten Island to visit Vinny’s family, where pizza is eaten and pasta is served. When the rest of the gang, except for Mike, decides to do a tanning run, he decides to prank the rest of the house by unleashing Jenni’s dogs to poop and pee everywhere. Jenni thinks her new bang-buddy Roger is hooking up behind her back, but turns out to just be paranoid, and also have amazing boobs. Things seem to be going great between Ronnie and Sammi since Sammi came back to the house, until Ronnie finds out she’s been suggestively texting a friend of Mike, causing them to scream at each other for a while. Somewhere in between, Snooki has sex with a guy.
- Water Balloon Fights: The girls and guys of the house engage in water-balloon warfare. Turns out, the girls suck at it. But whatever, flying water balloons splashing against makeup, hoop earrings, hair extensions, and bronzer is fun for all.
- Vinny & Pauly Watch From The Sidelines: By now, the rest of the cast should know better than to get between Ronnie and Sammi. After they fight, Mike still tries to console and advise Ronnie, and ditto for Snooki and Deena with Sammi. But there’s just no point to it, anymore. Might as well sit back, look for a bag of popcorn, and enjoy the carnage, like Pauly and Vinny.
- Arvin: Mike’s friend, and this week’s source of Ronnie & Sammi drama, looked like a Cro-Magnon. There’s no way around it. Not since Baba Booey has there been a mug so ridiculously awesome.
- Mike Starts Drama: We don’t know what happened to you, Situation, but you used to be cool. Ratting out Sammi for texting your friend because of some bs guy code while everyone is out and having a good time? Uncouth.
- Ronnie & Sammi: If you think Jersey Shore might have jumped the shark already, it’s because of these two. Next season is going to be in Italy. We’re not sure if the contracts are signed, yet, but we hope MTV producers will come to their senses and disinvite one of them, or maybe both. Their constant bickering is like an anchor dragging the show down. They literally take away screen time from everybody else.
- Mike: D At this point it’s safe to say Mike’s embraced the role of the cast villain, or douchbag if you will. And it’s not like we ever thought he wasn’t the kind of slimy cooz-hound who wouldn’t go behind a friend’s back in any situation where a vagina is involved, but c’mon, Mike. Letting the dogs poop everywhere?
- Vinny: B+ We like this episode’s version of Vinny better – sweet, humble, and a goofy – than the gangster guido facade he’s been shooting for most of this season.
- Snooki: A Got to hand it to the girl. Everybody else seems to have lost a step except for her. She knows why she’s there – drink & hook up – and does her best to do exactly that. Nobody’s been more consistently entertaining.
- Deena: Incomplete She was incognito most of the episode, so she gets an incomplete.
- Pauly: A- Pauly still seems like he would be the funnest guy to hang out with. And going all the way to Staten Island to visit your friend’s family? That’s real hetero man-love.
- Jwoww: B Jwoww gets props for letting Roger explain himself and not turning hysterical after she thought she saw him with another girl in his car on the way to tanning.
- Ronnie & Sammi: F To say that they’re bad for each other is an understatement. That might’ve been excusable last season, but – as stated above – they’re starting to become bad for the show, too.
In Their Own Words:
- “Mike, you’re shady as fuck.” – Sammi, very neatly generalizing Mike.
- “I thought Sam was like, done with Ron. Here we go again.” – Snooki saying what the rest of us are thinking.
- “I’m very confused. And…I don’t know what to do.” – Sammi, telling us something we already know.
- “I’m all showered, and exfoliated. Can I get a spray tan?” - Vinny talking to the tanning salon receptionist.
- “We’re delicate princesses, and you shouldn’t be throwing water balloons at us.” – Snooki, after being pelted with water balloons. We respectfully disagree.
- “Are you serious with me right now? Are you just trying to create a situation that is completely, like, made up or what?” – Roger talking to Jwoww over the phone, and pretty much inadvertently explaining the whole concept behind the show. Good insight, bro.
- “I’m gonna sit on this couch, get some popcorn, and watch this fucking movie.” – Pauly, knowing how to cherish a good train wreck when he sees one.
Same stuff, different episode. Housemates prank each other. Mike pranks everybody else. The whole crew hits up club Karma, and the night ends with Ronnie & Sammi getting into a fight.
“Jersey Shore” the TV show airs on Thursdasy nights!