It’s been a mighty successful month for Ms. Natalie Portman with her engagement, pregnancy and Golden Globe. There’s nothing like destroying a streak of victory with a shitty rom-com! The Oscar-nominee teams up with the painfully one dimensional Ashton Kutcher in Ivan Reitman’s, No Strings Attached. The film pollutes theaters nationwide Friday, January 21st.

Check out the review below…

The Players:

  • Director: Ivan Reitman
  • Writers: Elizabeth Meriwether, Michael Samonek
  • Cast: Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher, Olivia Thirlby

The Plot:

Adam (Kutcher) a television writer and bona-fide “dude” has the hots for Emma (Portman) a Doctor. Emma’s total disinterest in a relationship makes her enormously appealing to Adam, and in his desperation he agrees to partake in strictly sexual interactions with her. No snuggling, breakfast, or labeling…a dream for most young men, but not for Adam. Buckle up as Kutcher puts his abs and recycled jokes to work to snag the girl!

The Good:

  • Supporting Roles: When supporting characters outshine your leads (…leads as famous as Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher) it’s time to call cut and toss the production. The few bursts of laughter from the audience came directly after deliveries by Mindy Kaling and Greta Gerwig, who play Emma’s roommates.
  • Chicks That Don’t Want Commitment: At risk of leaving anything overly feministic in my tracks, I’ll be brief. I’m pleased that a rom-com FINALLY acknowledges that, as shocking as it may seem, not all women are pining for outrageously serious relationships.

The Good/Bad:

  • Ashton Kutcher: I place equal certainty in both my knowledge of the sun rising tomorrow and Ashton Kutcher movies being utterly stupid. For this, he earns a gold star for consistency with his unwavering ability to be precisely himself. There are zero surprises here.
  • Cheesy: I like to maintain that rom-com’s invite the cheese. If you’re into that, you’ll potentially find this picture amusing.

The Bad:

  • Natalie Portman: Really? You’re vying for an Oscar nod while promoting this horrifying display of cinema? I send condolences to her publicity team. Portman, who rarely fails to please, came up short this time around. She hasn’t really scratched the surface of comedy since Garden State, and it’s quite clear why. Not only was she completely un-hilarious but generally speaking, she simply couldn’t commit to this poorly written character. There was nothing fluid about her performance.

Overall:

Here’s the sad fact: Plenty of teenage girls will DIG this movie for it’s eye candy and “aww” moments. Those of you looking for something with a little more substance should kindly purchase a ticket to another film.

Rating: 4/10

No Strings Attached opens nationwide Friday, January 21st.

Photo Gallery:

Trailer:

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Will you be seeing No Strings Attached this weekend?