What do the rich and famous do when they get lonely? If they’re awkward enough, they join a matchmaking organization – and if they happen to be in the matchmaking organization in this week’s episode of “CSI: Miami,” they may end up dead. That’s the situation we’re working in the show’s latest installment; read on to find out the details…

The Players:

  • Director: Eric Mirich
  • Written By: Brett Mahoney
  • Cast: David Caruso, Emily Procter, Adam Rodriguez, Eva LaRue, Jonathan Togo, Rex Linn, Omar Benson Miller

Episode Title: “Match Made in Hell”

When a young millionaire is found mauled to death in his swimming pool, the CSI techs have to figure out who wanted him dead.  They quickly find out that the answer lies in the bizarre world of high-profile matchmaking, where beautiful young women are set up with rich men. Ryan Wolfe decides to go undercover as a client in order to figure out what the hell is going on, and the results are as surprising as they are attractive.

The Good:

  • Time to Go: The drop-down time display that popped up when Ryan was stealthing his way through the matchmaker’s house was an excellent visual touch, reminiscent of a similar heads-up-display used in the film Stranger than Fiction. It helped establish a sense of urgency while not breaking any of the tension or forcing us to look away from the action. It’s one of the more inspired effects on the show.
  • Killer Croc: The opening sequence, in typical “CSI: Miami” fashion was action-packed and super-intense; this time around we were treated to a Jaws-style crocodile attack in a swimming pool. The underwater shots build the tension nicely, as we see the croc well before the victim does – and when he does see the scaly behemoth, they don’t spare on the gore. It’s a n entertaining and engaging start that made us want to watch the rest.

The Bad:

  • Motorcycle Man: Look, we understand that Frank Tripp is supposed to be a gruff badass-type character. But there’s no possible way he should be able to look at a blurry computer screen and know instantly that it’s from a motorcycle burn.  It’s a shame, because he interrupted Natalie and Calleigh while they were doing what the police would actually do – going over pages and pages of possible burn marks to find a match. But hey, who need realism when we have easy answers?
  • Check His References: H suddenly decides near the end of the episode to have Ryan infiltrate the matchmaking organization, which has been explicitly shown to check backgrounds thoroughly. And yet somehow in a matter of hours they manage to pull together enough material to get Ryan into one of the fancy women-laden parties with no questions whatsoever. Either someone on the matchmaker’s side messed up big time or Horatio is a miracle worker… and since this is “CSI: Miami,” it’s probably the latter.
  • What’s My Motive: (SPOILER ALERT) The motive for murder ends up being that one of the matchmakers was worried about being embarrassed when a client ran out of money, which is definitely one of the dumber reasons to kill someone in the show’s history. Seriously, if being ashamed of something you had absolutely no control over was a good excuse for murder then the streets would be running red with blood. Not to mention that the method – dropping meat chunks in order to lure some sort of wild animal that happened to be around – is asinine in the extreme. (END SPOILER ALERT)

The Quotable:

  • “He died rich and retired.” “Very retired.”
  • “Sweetie, did someone in clown college do your makeup?”
  • “Are you looking for the millionaire of your dreams?” “No, I’m good.”
  • “I couldn’t have killed Matthew.  I’m vegan.”
  • “Do you know how many 4-inch pipes there are in this world?” “This looks more like a 2-inch pipe.” “Do you know how many 2-inch pipes there are in this world?”
  • “OK, I’ll get a warrant-” “Or… you could start searching for the perfect match.”


While there were a few things to like about this episode, the ridiculousness of the murder, the motive behind it, and most of the plot made it a muddled, silly mess. Bottom line: Don’t bother unless you’re willing to ignore all logic.

Rating: 4/10

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