No, it isn’t the birthday of one of the recurring characters, nor is it any sort of milestone in CSI: Miami history; the titular birthday in question is the focus of the episode, though, and it’s not exactly a happy one.  When a pregnant woman is beaten and left for dead, the team has to spring into action to find the person responsible.  Read on to find out the details!

The Players:

  • Director: Sam Hill
  • Written By: Barry O’Brien and Marc Dube
  • Cast: David Caruso, Emily Procter, Adam Rodriguez, Eva LaRue, Jonathan Togo, Rex Linn, Omar Benson Miller

Episode Title: “Happy Birthday”

When a pregnant woman is found brutally wounded and in critical condition, Horatio and the CSI team have to figure out who would do such a thing.  Turns out that’s a more complicated answer than it sounds, as the gang uncovers plenty of potential suspects, some of which have excellent motive and opportunity – a barren, jealous friend, a neglected stepson, and a mysterious duo of carjackers, just for starters.  Meanwhile, Calleigh waits with the victim in the hospital as she struggles to keep herself and the baby alive, while the rest of the team goes on car chases and tracks down leads until the final shocking twist.

The Good:

  • Science Shmience: Every episode of CSI: Miami that stays as far away from the lab (and the godlike computer) as possible inevitably turns out well as the team is forced to do actual, plausible detective work instead of pulling some deus ex machina nonsense out of thin air.  Thankfully, this was such an episode; the most complicated thing they had to do was match some scuff marks with a knife they already had.  It made the case far more gripping than it would have otherwise, since it was bound by the laws of logic.
  • Chasing Perfection: CSI: Miami generally does a good job with chase scenes, and this week’s one – featuring a car chase followed by a foot run through a club – was definitely the highlight of the episode.  From crashes to gunshots to manic Delko tackles, it had everything we look for in a dash for freedom.

The Bad:

  • Stop that, H: Horatio’s blatant disregard for criminal rights is ratcheted up another notch this episode, as he threatens to cut a man up into pieces and scatter him over the Bay.  Which wouldn’t be bad TV – they’re clearly trying to make him a badass Dirty Harry-type who doesn’t play by the rules when it comes to crime, which is usually fun to watch – except they totally cop out on the actual violence part.  We just see him climb on top of a guy and then hear that guy screaming, which is hilarious but probably not as cool as the writers were hoping it would be.
  • Let’s Go to the Tape: Instead of seeing the, uh, “enhanced interrogation” method used by H, we’re instead treated to a weirdly-shot scene of the pregnant victim crashing her car not once, not twice, but three times.  Oh, and they do it in slow motion and in horrific detail: We actually see her belly crash into the steering wheel and turn bloody up close.  We have no idea who would want to watch something like that once, let alone three times.

The Quotable:

  • “No, she’s in critical condition at the hospital.  I think you’ve done enough for one day.”
  • “He just looked at her sideways, and BOOM! Bun in the oven.”
  • “Hold this man.  All day if necessary.”
  • “I’m saying that if this baby dies, they’re going to be finding pieces of you all over Biscayne Bay.”
  • “I didn’t put her in the hospital.  You’ve gotta believe me!” “Here’s the problem, son: I don’t.”
  • “Two counts of murder? What, you guys are making up charges now?” “In your case, we don’t have to.”
  • “You want to have a romance with a baby instead of me, get out!”


Good detective work and some fun Horatio lines covered for the fact that the rest of the team wasn’t doing very much, while the constant fear that the victim and her baby might die made the entire episode very tense.  The ending seemed a bit contrived, but far less so than most other CSI: Miami cases.  All in all, a solid episode.

Rating: 7/10

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