Here’s the bad news: There is absolutely no TV on DVD being released this week. None whatsoever. Well, at least none of note (something tells me Season 5 of Perry Mason doesn’t really resonate with the Internet crowd) so there will be no section on the small screen for maybe the first time in the history of this column.

The good news: There is a TON of new feature films being released this week. Everything you could want from indie critical darling of The Kids Are All Right to the disappointing “3-D” blockbuster attempt of The Last Airbender and all points in between.

So we’re blowing up the format this week with a blurb about the eight feature films being released this week. And, don’t worry, we didn’t forget about informing you of that one little nugget of DVD badness either.

Check it out below…

A Christmas Carol

I want my Robert Zemeckis back! I want the return of the filmmaker who gave us Contact, Forrest Gump, Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and the Back to the Future films. Heck, I’ll even take the guy who gave us Cast Away. Anything but this graphic-over-live action nonsense that makes cold movies devoid of a connection.

And it’s so incredibly frustrating that he was seduced by this. Zemeckis was able to churn out film after film that captured the imagination in the way that his CGI stuff tries to do but can’t. It’s like he created that world with real people to extent he had to show what was inside his mind and didn’t realize it was there all along.

So please, Roger. Tell me that your Yellow Submarine remake is just a Wikipedia lie and you’ll return to your brilliant filmmaking within the year.

Click Here to Buy A Christmas Carol on DVD

The Last Airbender

I feel a personal betrayal with this film because I’ve always been an M. Night Shyamalan apologist. More than that – probably his most rampant supporter.

In fact, if you’ve had the misfortune of being within earshot of me over the last decade you’ve probably heard this escape my lips:

  • “He’s the next Alfred Hitchcock!”
  • “He’s the best storyteller, he just doesn’t tell the best stories.”
  • “I’m serious. He’s the best director alive. If he stops writing movies for himself the quality of his films would prove that.”

Then The Last Airbender happened, and, well, I’ve kind of stopped apologizing for Mr. Shyamalan now.

Click Here to Buy The Last Airbender on DVD

The Kids Are All Right

For the first time in maybe the history of film, the Best Actress Oscar race is absolutely loaded. Normally, it’s the easiest category to predict as we struggle to scrape up five good roles for women. Let alone performances.

This year, it won’t be the case and that happy glut is encapsulated in this film: It has two likely nominees. Two! How exciting that we’re finally getting so many good roles that we may actually see vote splitting happen in this category and super-buzzed-about performances like Gwyneth Paltrow in Country Strong and Anne Hathaway in Love and Other Drugs may find themselves without room.

Yes the Kids, and the roles for women, finally appear to be all right.

Click Here to Buy The Kids Are All Right on DVD

Avatar (3-Disc Extended Collector’s Edition)

Or, as I like to call it: The “Screw You Everybody Who Bought The DVD When it First Came Out. Here’s the Real Special Edition. $3 Billion Wasn’t Enough. Give us More Money. Edition.

Click Here to Buy Avatar (3-Disc Extended Collector’s Edition) on DVD

Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

I was at a Dodger’s game this summer and they have a deal with Warner Brothers where they put a trailer up on the jumbotron in-between one of the innings.

Sitting in front of us was a father of three who was kind enough to bring his three young children for a day at the ballpark. He seemed to be enjoying himself until, before the fifth inning, this trailer came on the Jumbotron.

His children shouted in delight, “Cats and Dogs! Cats and Dogs!” He had a look failure and resignation. Failure in that it seemed he’d been trying to hide the fact that this movie existed and resignation that he’d soon have to waste about 50 bucks and two hours watching talking felines and canines.

Marketing at its finest.

Click Here to Buy Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore on DVD

Lottery Ticket

Most hip hop stars begin to slowly transition away from their stage names and toward their real names. Which is why you get billings like Chris “Ludacris” Bridges and Alvin “Xzibit” Joiner.

Li’l Bow Wow, however, just became Bow Wow. Gotta Respect that.

Click Here to Buy Lottery Ticket on DVD

Best Worst Movie

Here’s my problem with a certain type of people. I don’t know exactly how to described them, but I’m sure after this paragraph a light will go off in your head.

This is a person who has never seen an episode of “Breaking Bad”, denounces television for all its evils, yet never misses an episode of “The Real Housewives of Wherever” because it’s just such a train-wreck. This is the person who is an insufferable music snob yet blasts the most disgustingly rudimentary hip-hop whenever you get in the car. And as it relates to this, this is the person who insists on having a DVD collection filled with films like Bubble Boy and Troll 2 because somehow, in their mind, it makes them more of a connoisseur to enjoy crap rather than seek quality.

And that’s my issue – it’s not a badge of honor to avoid most of one medium and just watch the crappy portion. It’s stupid and it’s ignorant and documentaries like this only contribute to that philosophy that allows the selectively crappy consumer to feel entitled.

Click Here to Buy Best Worst Movie on DVD

The Extra Man

All right, I’ve run out of blurb steam. All I know is that I see just about everything with Kevin Kline (I still consider his work in A Fish Called Wanda as the finest film performance of all time) and when I saw this on the list of releases this week I had to think long and hard as to whether or not it was a straight-to-DVD release.

Click Here to Buy The Extra Man on DVD

And, Just So You Know, This DVD Exists…

This movie stars French Stewart and Pauly Shore.

The sad thing? In 1993 that cast would’ve meant an April release date and a $15 million first weekend.