In the realm of unlikely TV crossovers, “Jersey Shore meets CSI: Miami” must be at the top of the list.  And while you won’t see Snooki or The Situation hanging out with H any time soon (we hope), this week’s episode might give you a good idea of what that would look like.  If you have no idea what we’re talking about, never fear: there’s plenty of murder afoot, and it doesn’t require any reality TV knowledge to follow… but the guide below might help a little.

The Players:

  • Director: Marco Black
  • Written By: Melissa Scrivner
  • Cast: David Caruso, Emily Procter, Adam Rodriguez, Eva LaRue, Jonathan Togo, Rex Linn, Omar Benson Miller

Episode Title: “Reality Kills”

This week’s episode revolves around the apparently drug-related murder of a reality TV Star (think Jersey Shore) who fell to her death; the techs find out after a quick examination that her ear had been stabbed, destroying her sense of balance and puncturing her brain.  The plot undergoes an extra twist when it turns out that the dead girl was both pregnant and married – the show hid both facts to mask her identity – although her husband was not the killer, and she was going to quit the show.

The Good:

  • Unreality TV: The most interesting parts of this episode was when it turned out that the obnoxious New York stereotypes hosting the reality show central to the plot were each just playing a character, and their “real selves” were totally different.  The victim, for instance, was a small-town drama star, while the musclebound hunk was actually a priest-in-training (and a virgin) and the murderer was an ex-MIT researcher.  Some of the reveals – particularly the last – seemed a little outlandish, but it was fun to try and figure out exactly who they really were and a pretty good commentary on the fakeness of so-called reality TV.
  • Two in a Row: This is now the second consecutive CSI: Miami episode with virtually no bad science or supercomputing magic, an unprecedented trend and one that hopefully will keep up (although we won’t be holding our breaths.)  Again, they just question witnesses and do good solid detective work to catch their killer.  If this show isn’t careful, it could morph into a genuinely good cop series… which wouldn’t be a terrible thing at all.

The Bad:

  • Once is Enough, Thanks: But just because there’s no bad science doesn’t mean the ugly specter of unnecessary CGI didn’t raise its head.  This week’s installment found us zooming through the ear canal as we watched a pointy object impale the brain at the end, and we then got treated to exactly the same sequence roughly a half-hour later.  We’re pretty sure we could’ve figured it out if they had just told us that she was stabbed in the ear, and we definitely didn’t need to see that again.
  • Calm Down, H: Seems like every other episode now opens with Horatio threatening to kill someone, and if it doesn’t then you can bet that he’ll do so halfway through.  This used to be a somewhat bad-ass move he only pulled out when he was really pissed, but now he’s just handing threats out like ice cream and frankly it’s getting a little creepy.  Weirder still is the fact that no one tells him he’s out of line; guess everyone’s just too scared of the shades.

The Quotable:

  • “I didn’t even get a shot off?” “Well, my friend, if I find out you’re lying, the same won’t be said… of me.”
  • “Eww, pasty granola hippie – so not my type.”
  • “And that dude-” “That’s a woman.”
  • “Yo, Guns ain’t a liar!” “OK, you’ve got two girls here who know a lot about guns.  Sit down.”
  • “Either you stop lying to us or getting punched in the face will be the best part of your day.”
  • “Ah, Lady Liberty.  Know why she’s green?” “No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me anyway.”
  • “Is this real enough for you?”


As a satire of reality TV in general (and Jersey Shore in particular) this is a good showing, and it’s not bad as a murder mystery either.  While it wasn’t stellar, it was definitely entertaining and fun to watch.  And some great one-liners from Horatio don’t hurt either…

Rating: 8/10

New episodes air every Sunday on CBS!

Photo Gallery: