Now that the loose ends of the previous episode have been tied up and the serial killer is behind bars, the CSI: Miami team is back on the streets doing what they do best: solve ridiculously contrived crimes with mad science.  This time around, they’ve got a quarterback on the run with one man out – or to be precise, one woman.

The Players:

  • Director: Sam Hill
  • Written By: Tamara Jaron
  • Cast: David Caruso, Emily Procter, Adam Rodriguez, Eva LaRue, Jonathan Togo, Rex Linn, Omar Benson Miller

The Show’s Plot:

A beautiful, young girl is found dead in a pool, and an up-and-coming athlete is suspected of her murder.

Season 9 Episode 2: Sudden Death

This episode centers around the murder of a “bottle girl” in a club who was sleeping with a quarterback.  Unsurprisingly, he’s the first one they suspect, especially after he tries (and fails) to run away.  The techs figure out that, although the girl was found in a pool, she actually drowned on force-fed champagne, and the athlete’s agent moved the body to the pool to help his client avoid publicity.  Meanwhile, the club owner was secretly photographing the girl in order to gain tabloid publicity.  In the end, it turned out that pretty much none of that mattered – the girl was actually accidentally killed by a random asshole.

The Good:

  • Good First Impressions: The electrifying opener, which contrasted the young NFL quarterback-to-be’s flirting with a hot girl at a trendy nightclub and him getting chased down by the CSI: Miami crew for the murder of the same girl, did a great job of drawing the viewer into the episode.  Horatio getting the drop on him didn’t hurt, either, nor did his one-liner.
  • Sykes gets Psyched Out: Erica Sykes is one of the most annoying recurring characters in all of CSI: Miami’s history, so it was nice for her to finally get one-upped on her own show.  And it’s always fun to see entertainment journalists bashed on TV shows – makes us feel like we’re doing our job right.

The Bad:

  • God’s Computer is Back: CSI: Miami’s wonderful, all-knowing computer is back in action this episode; this time around, it manages to project a screen onto thin air and then magically sort through thousands of text messages to find the only one that implicates anyone.
  • Wine, whine, whine: There’s a particularly ridiculous scene in this episode where a tech explains – using CSI’s traditional unnecessary CGI – that he can date wines made somewhere between the years 1940 and 1963 using radiocarbon dating thanks to atomic testing.  While that part is actually true, there’s no way he should be able to pinpoint the exact year – and yet that’s exactly what he does, which ends up cracking the case.
  • We Need to Deal with This: At the end of the episode, it’s implied Horatio cuts the killer a deal in order to let a bottle girl go peacefully.  Look, Horatio, he isn’t some sort of criminal mastermind with ridiculous connections, he’s just some moron who likes pretending he’s a big shot, and you get to throw him in jail.  There’s no way he’s coming anywhere near your damsel in distress any time soon.

The Quotable:

  • “You can’t run from this.”  “YEAAAAAAAAAH!”
  • “No, you can’t go now.  This isn’t a bed and breakfast, you can’t come and go as you please.”
  • “Hey!  You can grab the drinks but nothing else!”
  • “It was more of a stopslide.” “That’s not even a real word.”
  • “I didn’t take this photo!”  “And yet… here it is, Chip.”
  • “No killing, no photos… no bail.”
  • “I thought Kristen was doing that.” “Well, I don’t pay you for your thoughts.”


While the intro was great, the ending seemed pretty lackluster and the episode as a whole didn’t really seem like it knew where it was going, tossing out bunches of subplots and then abandoning them.  Frankly, there wasn’t enough unintentional hilarity or interesting action scenes to make this worth watching.

Rating: 5/10

New episodes air every Sunday on CBS!