We all know Christina Hendricks.  She’s the top-heavy Joan on Mad Men, SF fans know her as the slightly less top-heavy but more leggy Saffron on Firefly, and she’s rapidly becoming a cultural icon even outside of those shows.  So why is she having trouble finding a dress, and why is that not a set-up for a tasteful nude pictorial?

The short answer?  She doesn’t need the money.  Oh, wait, the dress.  The reason for THAT is what everybody’s generally making jokes about on Mad Men.  Hendricks is a size fourteen, and according to her, the major couture houses only lend out a size 0 or a size 2.

I’m just going to leave out the implications of not loaning out anything that wouldn’t fit a woman a man would actually want to be near for the time being and talk for a moment about the general absurdity of not breaking that rule for Hendricks.  OK, so she’s not a stick, something many of us are profoundly grateful for.

She is, however, a star, and rapidly turning into the thinking man’s (and woman’s) pin-up.  In fact, she landed a major coup just yesterday, signing onto the first Hollywood film from Nicolas Winding Refn, director of the critically acclaimed Bronson and Valhalla Rising.  And, OK, she’s also got a role in Life as We Know It, which looks terrible, but actors have to eat too.

This is part of what the editor has told me I have to be slightly more tasteful about calling the War on Breasts.  Think about it; how baffling is it that a woman with an hourglass figure, which we think Screencrave speaks for most heterosexual men in saying it is a beautiful and wondrous thing, is controversial?  Most women, I have learned through careful investigation (mostly repeated Google Image searches), have not just breasts, but hips.  They even have buttocks.  Actually, I’m pretty sure buttocks is all Kim Kardashian is famous for, at this point, especially since she was out-acted by Carmen Electra.  In “Disaster Movie”.

So I call on the fashion industry: end your War on Breasts.  Breasts are beloved by all mankind. Either that or start designing something low-cut exclusively for Christina.

Please?

To argue the case, here are some of the dresses she’s actually be able to secure to wear in public.  So like these.  But maybe cut lower, like to the navel.