So far during “True Blood,” we’ve learned more about Bill’s freaky past, discovered Tara has a total lack of sense, and that Arlene is incredibly boring. Also, that even if you live with vampires apparently you can be utterly incredulous about werewolves. The last few episodes had a lot of plots, and only half of them were interesting. Have they turned it around this week? Find out…

The Players:

  • Director: David Petrarca
  • Writers: Kate Barnow and Elizabeth Finch
  • Cast: Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer, Sam Trammell, Ryan Kwanten, Rutina Wesley, Kevin Alejandro, Marshall Allman, Chris Bauer, Kristin Bauer, Nelsan Ellis, Todd Lowe, Denis O’Hare, Jim Parrack, Carrie Preston, Lindsay Pulsipher, William Sanderson, Alexander Skarsgard, Deborah Ann Woll

Episode Title: “9 Crimes”

Bill drops Sookie like a hot rock and over the phone, no less. Sookie and Alcide attend an engagement party for his former girlfriend they’re not going to feature on TLC anytime soon. Tara falls into thrall with Franklin, who proceeds to treat her like crap. In lighter news, Sam proves just what an idiot he is when it comes to his family, Jason blackmails his way onto the police force, and we finally have an antagonist! Hello, King Russell; we didn’t even know we missed you, but your presence is welcome.

The Good:

  • Pedal to the Metal: With this episode, the season kicked into high gear. At last! If it had just been everybody sulking about not getting what they want, this would have been a really boring season of TV. But now we’ve got King Russell, who is supplying vampire blood and is employing Franklin, so THAT plotline finally makes sense.  Now, if he just can demonstrate how he knocked up Arlene, we might have a fully cohesive season on our hands.
  • Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: The fact that Sookie realizes that something is wrong and she needs to track down Bill, instead of immediately dissolving into a mess, is a welcome change of pace. We were worried with the current season’s trend towards… how do we put this — whining and soap opera that she’d spend the episode sulking but we should have known better.
  • Tara and Franklin Finally Pay Off: After three weeks of wondering what the hell Tara was thinking with Franklin, we finally figure it out: he’s a monster. Well, beyond being a vampire.
  • Eric, We Love You: By far, Eric’s the guy who comes off the best this episode, not that this is hard considering what the rest of the guys get up to. But flying out of Lafayette’s Corvette to rescue Pam from torture, popping up in Sookie’s dream, and his interactions with RuPaul Lafayette add up to an awesome episode for everybody’s favorite undead Viking.

The Weird:

  • A Bad Day To Have a Vajayjay: We had to double check that women wrote this, because this entire episode is pretty much about torturing women. Women get tortured, branded, slapped around and have their blood consumed against their will, and mostly don’t do much about it. Sookie’s the only one showing any spine, which is a little unfortunate in the implications department. But at least the last few episodes have paid off and we’ve got little doubt the ladies will get some payback.

The Bad:

  • Oh Shut Up Already: Arlene doesn’t have much screen time, but has just enough to remind us how annoying and whiny the character has gotten and man, we hope she gets eaten.
  • Sam=Idiot: Speaking of soap opera, bad dialogue, and stupid decisions, yeah Sam, we’re really sure that deal you’ve worked out with your mooching, emotionally abusive family will end well. Because it always has in the past. Dumbass.


We’d rank this as a good episode just due to the plot finally kicking in. But, a few uncomfortable feminism moments aside, this was a great episode and got the season going in style.

Rating: 9/10

“True Blood” airs on Sunday nights at 9pm on HBO

Agree? Disagree? Let us know in the comments!