With a plethora of sequels in theaters and being made, we decided to take a look at ten of the worst ever made. For a sequel to be truly bad, it has to be a suicidal nosedive of creativity and quality from its original predecessor. You might notice I didn’t include movies like Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood, Bloodrayne II: Deliverance, or Basic Instinct 2 because all of those sequels were spawned from Satan’s shit to begin with (Basic Instinct gets replay for one reason, and one reason only. Take Sharon Stone’s snatch out of the equation, and watch it again. Not good).
Those franchises aren’t anything to be revered, so they don’t count. Bad sequels do damage—both economically and culturally. They ruin childhoods and cheapen livelihoods like post-90s Michael Jackson.
10. Teen Wolf Too
Bateman had to fill the shoes of Michael J. Fox as a werewolf with social problems, which in the 80’s must’ve felt like whoever gets drafted by the Cavs after Lebron leaves.
9. Jaws: The Revenge
If you’re a fan of movies, The Revenge might only make you cry sad tears and write in your diary. If you’re a marine biologist, or a ten year-old who just read The Ocean for Dummies, it will make you want to climb the nearest clock tower with a sniper rifle and a bottle of Jaegerman’s S’more schnapps.
8. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
This movie proves that George Lucas had a thing for annoying sidekicks way before The Phantom Menace (we’re getting to that). The Indian government famously denied Lucas & Steven Spielberg permission to shoot in India because they thought the script was a tad racist.
They could’ve added hokey and schizophrenic and would’ve been right on all three counts.
7. X-Men: The Last Stand
What doomed this final installment and made for a pitiful climax to an otherwise awesome franchise was both characters realized and unrealized.
Of the former, there were way too many to keep track of. Of the latter, fans were only left to play the ‘what if’ game, especially with too-awesome-for-decent-screen-time characters like Colossus.
6. Star Wars: Episode I (The Phantom Menace)
…and II (Attack of the Clones)
…and III (Revenge of the Sith)
Technically, these are all prequels to the original trilogy, but who cares?
No amount of CGI wizardry (and there is a ton) can compensate for Lucas’ inability to write a decent script.
5. Batman & Robin
Let’s forget the S&M, benippled batsuit for a second and focus on Mr. Freeze. Or more importantly, his goons. They cause mayhem and wreak havoc in ice skates. That means if they want to rob a bank, or wire a building to blow up, they’d have to make sure their terrain is covered in ice, first.
Does nobody see these guys coming? A motley rabble skating down main street with a giant ice gun paving the way so they can do their crime thing? Nobody?
4. Caddyshack II
The original Caddyshack proved that it was possible to make a cool movie about golf. Caddyshack II proved that you have to at least wait another decade (Happy Gilmore, Tin Cup) for lightening to strike again. In all seriousness, Dan Akroyd is lucky that after his turn trying to replace Bill Murray as the crazy Bushwood groundskeeper, he didn’t wind up gaining 100 pounds and settling for guest spots on other SNL productions and teen-queen vehicles for the rest of his career. Wait…
3. Speed II: Cruise Control
Instead of a bus, this time it’s an unstoppable cruise-liner with a computerized course intended to smack it right into an oil liner.
The moral of the story?
When Keanu Reeves senses something’s going to suck, it’s like a bird fleeing the scene right before an earthquake.
2. Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows
Perhaps the most unnecessary of all the bad sequels listed here.
Blair Witch ended with the first film, there was no sequel to ever be had!
The same guys who made the first one did Book of Shadows, but were cursed with actually having money to throw around, like a moron winning the lottery.
And finally the WORST Sequel Ever Made is….
1. Jurassic Park III
Spielberg and author Michael Crichton, who had collaborated on the first two, were absent for this one, and it shows. More emphasis was put on adding newer, scarier dinosaurs than a plot with a point.
What we got was one long, dumb theme park ride with William H. Macy once again inexplicably attached to a hot girl (Tea Leoni).
Now look at all the pretty pictures — of these horrific sequels!
What sequels destroyed your childhood?