The first thing that went through my head while watching the 2010 Beijing Olympics opening ceremony was what the faces of the London 2012 organizers looked like. I imagined them putting their heads in their hands, crying. Maybe they thought about giving the 2012 Olympics to Chicago and letting them look stupid. Well, they didn’t. So the obvious next thing that they did after crying and getting a colonoscopy was to ask themselves, “How the Hell are we going to top that?” Their answer: Danny Boyle.

That’s right. The Oscar-winning director of such films as 28 Days Later, Sunshine, and Slumdog Millionaire is rumored to direct the opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympics. I suppose they are trying to do what China did when they chose filmmaker Zhang Yimou to direct their opening ceremony. I can understand Zhang Yimou having been selected because he has made some absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous films (Hero, House of Flying Daggers, and Curse of the Golden Flower). I have nothing against Danny Boyle at all. I love his films. But man, he had better pull something brilliant off if he’s going to even come close to being on par with Beijing 2010.

If it wasn’t already looking grim for Boyle, it looks like he’s going to have to deal with the two most retarded Olympic mascots I’ve ever seen: Wenlock & Mandeville

Oh yes. Those two phallic fun-rods are real. Danny Boyle, if I were you and they showed me a pictures of those two, I’d be planning to fake my own death right about now.

Although, if you do just let thousands of zombies run around biting people during the opening ceremony… I’ll consider it a success. Maybe there could be a graphic blood spurting scene with Wenlock & Mandeville? Just a thought.

Do you think Danny Boyle is going to be able to pull off an opening ceremony up to par with Beijing 2010? (No answering if you’re British.)