This week, there’s a slew of honest-to-goodness feature films rolling out on DVD as the latest Judd Apatow and Tom Hanks flicks hit shelves. Plus there’s Vince Vaughn’s second Christmas attempt from last year, Robert Rodriguez‘s latest and a movie that Eddie Murphy made months ago (betcha can’t name it)! All that, plus a smattering of TV on DVD and a very special bad DVD.
Check it all out below…
There’s a moment in this film, about three-fifths of the way through, where Adam Sandler’s George Simmons calls Seth Rogen’s Ira Wright (née Weiner), and tells him in a strange pirate voice that they’re to set sail for San Francisco the next day to perform a comedy show. He then makes a funny phallus-related joke and the camera cuts away.
When Judd Apatow shot that scene he probably didn’t think he was shooting a benchmark moment in movie history, but he did. That’s because this instance demonstrates the clearest-ever moment when a good movie becomes instantly unwatchable.
From there, the audience is forced to sit through a meandering hour of Simmons reconnecting with his ex-girlfriend (Leslie Mann) in a sequence so miserably boring it set theater records for the number of times people opened their cell phones to check the glowing digital clock.
This part of the film is reminiscent of spending a weekend with relatives you barely know and find abhorrently dull. It’s precisely the sort of thing we go to the movies to escape from, not something we’d actually pay to watch.
So this goes back to the aforementioned scene, and the repercussions of Adam Sandler’s throwaway nautical line. We now have the film equivalent of television’s “Jump the Shark.” When a great movie suddenly turns bad, souring the entire experience in the process we can say it “Sailed to San Francisco.”
If you’d like to take part in this history – Buy The DVD.
Starring: Tom Hanks
It’s at this point we should probably point out that Ewan McGregor is in this movie. More importantly, the fact that Ewan McGregor is in a lot of movies and nobody ever seems to notice.
This guy was Obi Wan Kenobi with more screen time than Alec Guinness, yet if you asked somebody to start naming actors from the Star Wars movies, you’d probably get about 20 deep before his name came along. This guy had the lead role in The Men Who Stare at Goats, yet it will always be known as “That Bad George Clooney Movie”.
And this one. He had a big role in this one. Probably the most important character when you really get down to it. But does anybody for a second think “Ewan McGregor” when they think of this movie. The only movie they ever think of with him in it was Trainspotting, and that came out almost fifteen years ago.
So when you buy this DVD, do it for Ewan. He needs it.
- Four Christmases – Learn More – Buy Now
- Gomorrah – Learn More – Buy Now
- Imagine That – Learn More – Buy Now
- Shorts – Learn More – Buy Now
TV ON DVD
“Kobe Doin’ Work”
For several weeks, ESPN advertised this movie like it had the next Hoop Dreams on its hand. After all, this was Spike Lee and Kobe Bryant combining for the ultimate look inside a sports superstar’s head.
The problem was that it was impossible to get a true look with this movie, because Kobe knew he was being filmed the entire time. It was funny to see him attempting to pal around with his teammates while they looked at him with expressions that said, “I didn’t even think you knew my first name”, while Kobe attempted not to come off as the elusive everybody knows him to be.
Then there’s the voice over. Kobe recorded a voice over months after the movie was filmed where he just talks about how much fun he has, and how much watching the game makes him want to go play again instantly.
So when you buy this DVD, do so for the unintentional comedy of watching Kobe attempt to appear likable, and not for a look inside the mind of an athlete.
- “Alfred Hitchock Presents”: Season 4 – Buy Now
- “Beverly Hills, 90210”: Season 8 – Buy Now
- Golden Age of Television: Criterion Collection – Buy Now
- “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”: Season 4 – Buy Now
- “Melrose Place”: Season 5, Vol. 2 – Buy Now
Horrible Straight-To-DVD Release of the Week
No poll this week. Why? Because ever so often a movie so bad, so unbelievably abhorrent arrives on DVD and it must be made an example of. The Maiden Heist is that movie.
What makes it so bad? Well it’s pretty clear really. Just look at the cast. This movie features the incredible talents of Morgan Freeman, William H. Macy, Marcia Gay Harden and Christopher Walken. That’s a total of nine Oscar nominations and three Oscar wins between them.
All this talent assembles for a comedy in which three bumbling security cards attempt to rob a museum. This plot, strangely enough, has never appeared in any movie before. That is, if you ignore the 15,000 movies in which we’ve seen with it! Not only that, but this hackneyed film couldn’t even get a release in the theaters with such big stars headlining it.
That, everybody, makes The Maiden Heist a surefire horrible film.
What will you be picking up this week?