joss whedon's bid for terminator

There’s a reason why Joss Whedon has such as strong fan base. It’s because he’s talented, honest, and down right funny when he wants to be. Earlier this morning we brought you news that the Terminator franchise rights are being auctioned for sale this month, and several studios are interested in making the purchase. Well, the first official bid is coming from Whedon, who has sent out a letter listing his bid amount, as well as a few ideas he has in mind for the series.

Whedon’s letter is posted in its entirety on Nikki Finke, but here are some of the highlights. First off, check out the introduction, which is supposed to show that he “means business.”

Dear Sirs/Ma’ams,

I am Joss Whedon, the mastermind behind Titan A.E., Parenthood (not the movie) (or the new series) (or the one where ‘hood’ was capitalized ’cause it was a pun), and myriad other legendary tales. I have heard through the ‘grapevine’ that the Terminator franchise is for sale, and I am prepared to make a pre-emptive bid RIGHT NOW to wrap this dealio up. This is not a joke, this is not a scam, this is not available on TV. I will write a check TODAY for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.

Whedon then went on to what he thinks could help revive the Terminator franchise. He pointed out some of the obvious flaws that many fans have noted including the use of excessive time travel and Christian Bale’s Batman voice.

1) Terminatorof the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-travelled TOO far… back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.) Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? “Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!” RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he’s a cyborg and he doesn’t give a s#&% about the ring — it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he’s doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings franchise).

2) More Glau. Hey. There’s a reason they’re called “Summer” movies.

3) Can you say… musical? Well don’t. Even I know that’s an awful idea.

4) Christian Bale’s John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)

5) More porn. John Connor never told Kyle Reese this, but his main objective in going to the past was to get some. What if there’s a lot of future-babies that have to be made? Cue wah-wah pedal guitar — and dollar signs!

6) The movies will stop getting less cool.

Out of these recommendations, number 2, 4, and 6 are valid points. Summer Glau is a kick-ass actress who can literally kick ass. She was great in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and in Whedon’s own Firefly. The overall comedic tone of this “serious” letter is right on the money. Terminator is something that has been unable to return to its former glory post T2: Judgment Day. Out of the four films produced, two of them worked, and two of them didn’t, is there anyone out there willing to roll the dice to see where a fifth movie would tip the scale?

What do you think of Joss Whedon’s open letter regarding Terminator?