heavenly bodies09-7-9

The 80’s was a great time for movies where Your Dream Will Come True. As long as you wanted it bad enough, worked hard enough, danced long enough, you would get that prized place on a TV show, or a dance school, or in a gym meet, etc. etc.

While not exactly truthful, this penchant for wish fulfillment is charmingly 80’s tastic. And while we’ve all seen those dance movies, what about a film that zeroes in on the most 80’s, the most American, the most fucking healthy of all crazes? That’s right, folks, an entire movie about Aerobics. This movie exists, and it’s a little 1984 gem called Heavenly Bodies. One of the only feature films to be distributed by Playboy, this film stars the luminous Cynthia Dale as Samantha Blair, a single mother with A Big Dream.

What she loves more than anything in the world (I am not making this up) is aerobics and her dream to open her own aerobics studio is coming true. Unfortunately, the big gym with all of the money doesn’t like the competition and is unfairly trying to shut down Samantha’s club (named Heavenly Bodies, of course). What’s a hard working poor girl to do? Why, challenge the big gym to an Aerobics-off, of course! If you have ever wanted to see people work out viciously against one another, this is the film for you. Just like all of the other 80’s dance flicks, this film is geared towards the men in the audience with a hard on for leotards. There’s millions of lingering shots of toned buns flexing, sweaty thighs kicking, and glistening..well…you get the idea.

Cynthia Dale is undeniably cute, and her big grin somehow manages to keep your attention through the whole film.  This film is worth watching as a novelty alone, especially if you can get your friends to wear their leg warmers and aerobicize along….

Next week! Jim Carrey’s a virgin?