It is a known fact that Phoebe Cates is the hottest babe of the 1980’s. The fantasy sequence in Fast Times at Ridgemont High caused thousands of teenage boys to spend an extra 10 minutes in the shower. If you were one of those lads got all hot and bothered in Fast Times, you are going to blow a fuse in Private School for Girls, one of the sexiest, silliest T&A comedies to come out of the 1980’s.

First we have Phoebe as sweet, good girl Chris, wanting to do it with her (lame) boyfriend Jim, (Matthew Modine), but wanting to, you know, make love. Also (inexplicably) hot for Jim’s bod is Betsy Russell as the snobby, manipulative Jordan. Now I’m just as hot for Phoebe Cates as anyone, but I have to tell you that this film is completely Betsy Russell’s show. She is a terrible actress, but so ridiculously foxy it doesn’t even matter. Betsy’s in skimpy outfits or naked for the majority of this film, but the coup de grace is a shot of Betsy, topless, riding a horse – in slow motion. Hark! Do I hear the sounds of shower drains being plugged? I do.

The plot itself is over the top silly. While Jim and Chris and Jordan are having their little love triangle, Jim’s two horn dog buddies Bubba and Roy are doing everything in their power to gain access to the school. Which is, as the title suggests, exclusively for girls. A very very long and drawn out boys in girls clothes scene commences. There’s also the usual 80’s disdain for authority, car destruction and people falling in pools. What’s not to love?

Private School for Girls is nothing but piffle, but an enchanting piece of piffle at that. The movie is tantalizing and fun, watching Matthew Modine attempt comedy is amusing. (Why was he famous?) Phoebe Cates and Ray Walston get to team up again, and even Mr. Hand gets a little action in this one. All right! The film also has a pretty kick ass soundtrack, with tracks by The Stray Cats, Bow Wow Wow, Rick Springfield, and even Phoebe Cates herself. She acts! She sings! She runs up water bills! The woman does it all. I bow to her.

Clue for Next week. Candy and Sunshine on roller skates….