Okay, so Hollywood’s best and brightest are now at home polishing their statuettes and basking in the afterglow of being appreciated. But what about the show itself? We can’t really go without honoring the best and worst of the actual awards can we?
Here are the First Annual Academy Award Awards…
Worst Pre-Show Moment: When Jess Cagle, the managing editor for Entertainment Weekly, asked Seth Rogen, Judd Apatow and Leslie Man who they would save if there were in Earthquake tonight. A student editor at a high school TV station would have ridiculed a reporter for asking a question that inane. Runner-Up: 21-Year-Old Zac Efron referring to 18-year-old Dev Patel as “A Great Kid”. Who does he think he is? Jack Nicholson? OR… When Jess Cagle didn’t seem to know who Sarah Jessica Parker’s date was. Ummmm, that’s Matthew Broderick.
Best Opening Number Moment: When Hugh Jackman absolutely ripped Benjamin Button to shreds. Exactly. Why did nobody seem to care that he was aging backwards? Runner-Up: Anne Hathaway‘s guest appearance.
Worst Opening Number Moment: When Hugh Jackman started singing directly to people in the audience. That was really awkward. As was having the stage so low. Runner-Up: All the “recession” sets. Did it really like look like they were cheap? Just lame.
Worst Idea from the New Producers: Having five actors come out and individually sing the praises of each nominee. Those moments were absolutely interminable and added nothing to the show except more awkwardness. Runner-Up: The “this is the way a movie gets made” theme idea. Very very cheesy.
Best Idea from the New Producers: The theme may have been stupid but the briskly paced presentation of the smaller categories was welcome. If they hadn’t taken fifteen minutes to present each Acting category the show would have finished in under three hours. Runner-Up: The “This year in. . .” clip montages.
Funniest Moment: Best Animated Short winner Kunio Kato whipping out a Styx tribute by closing his speech with “Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto”. Runner-Up: Tina Fey + Steve Martin = Comic Gold. Why not have them co-host next year?
Least-Funny Joke: Pretty much anything Hugh Jackman said or sang. He was brilliant on the Tonys but they really mis-used him at the Oscars. Runner-Up: Cuba Gooding, Jr.’s faux-yelling at Robert Downey Jr. about stealing roles from “the brothers”. Shouldn’t Cuba be yelling at his agent for bringing him Snow Dogs after he won an Oscar?
Best Unintentional Comedy: Having Christopher Walken sing the praises of Michael Shannon. Pretty sure he’s his illegitimate son. Runner-Up: Anthony Dod Mantle’s hair doing its best Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men impression.
Biggest Opportunity Missed for Unintenional Comedy: Showing mega-bomb Delgo during The Year in Animation montage. Runner-Up: Having Jennifer Aniston say anything positive about Angelina Jolie’s Kung Fu Panda.
Worst Clip/Montage/Musical Number: The ridiculous Best Song montage. The way the producers decided to present that wasn’t just a bad idea, it was insulting to the songs and artists. Imagine if Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova would have been forced to sing 90 seconds of “Falling Slowly” in the midst of that mess. It almost makes you wonder if Bruce Springsteen and Clint Eastwood actually got enough votes for a nomination but the producers insisted The Academy limit the shortlist to three because their haunting and spare songs wouldn’t have fit with the awful little production number they had planned. Kudos to Peter Gabriel for sitting it out, he’s the only who one who retained his dignity following that awful slap in the face of music. Runner-Up: “The Musical is Back!” dance number. Long, boring, and pointless.
Best Clip/Montage/Musical Number: Judd Apatow’s short featuring James Franco and Seth Rogen discussing the year in Comedy. Actually a better movie than Pineapple Express. Runner-Up: The brisk and classy way they presented the Best Original Score nominees. It really seemed like a return of Debbie Allen’s interpretive dance numbers was a possibility for a second.
Death Applause Award Winner: Paul Newman, as expected. Runner-Up: Sydney Pollack
Death Applause Award Loser: Queen Latifah. Do we really need a live singer to go with the montage? How about just the orchestra?
Best Acceptance Speech: Best Sound Editing Winner Resul Pookutty’s classy tribute to his homeland of India. Runner-Up: Heath Ledger’s family.
Worst Acceptance Speech: We all love ya, Kate, but if you say the word Godesses one more time, you’re barred from the Academy Awards forever. Runner-Up: Donald Graham Burt stealing the entire 45 seconds from Victor J. Zolfo after their Best Art Direction win. Share the love, man.
Biggest Upset: Without question it is Departures beating both The Class and Waltz with Bashir for Best Foreign Language Film. It would have been less surprising if Milk had won Best Picture. Runner-Up: Smile Pinki beating Martin Luther King doc Witness for Best Documentary Short Subject.