129288025_bce2fe5191.jpgHEY HOLLYWOOD, STOP SCREWING WITH MY CHILDHOOD! That is what I now scream everyday when viewing the new and upcoming movie releases.

As a kid growing up in the Eighties it was sheer madness and fun all rolled into one. New technology was starting to take off, movies were becoming more action packed, and the cartoon series toys had a Hulk Hogan chokehold on our young minds. God help us, we loved it. So why is it that twenty some odd years later, Hollywood can’t come up with a single new script idea. It seems as though this town is perfectly happy to repackage all our old favorite tv shows, cartoons, videogames and toys, and bring them to the Big screen.

With great sadness, I must informed you that GI Joe, He-Man, The A Team, Thundercats and even The Smurfs, will soon be getting the Tinstletown treatment. Does anybody else see a recurring theme here?

Part of what makes these past Iconic youthful images so special, is just that, we have to go back to the past to relive them. The memories that most of us have while watching these shows are timeless. Being both predictable and adventurous, shows from the 80’s had the hook that kept us coming back for more. Sure we knew Michael Knight and KIT would save the day every week, but we were young enough not to care. It was all in good fun and we seemed more than happy to go along for the ride. However now as adults, the thought of having to go to the cineplex to watch McGuyver battle espionage is just insulting.

I certainly don’t remember any Studio execs submitting Entertainment polls about how we’d feel if all our childhood shows were to be produced into Big budget popcorn. If they had, they’d have received a swift kick in the ass, that’s for sure. As no doubt you’ve seen from the influx of Marvel and DC comics that are making there way onto the big screen, the trend of re-popularizing youth memorabilia seems to have no end in sight. Although marketing gurus will never admit it, the fact remains that reselling old flair is never guaranteed to be a box office hit. This was proven most recently with Speed Racer. Guess how much Warner Brothers has lost on that little endeavor?!

I’m not saying remakes don’t have their place, but you need to know when to draw the line. Unfortunately, Hollywood’s powers that be aren’t happy until they’ve completely drained every last drop of commercial cash from our youth. What’s next, the Jeffersons teaming up with Airwolf to battle the forces of evil. Don’t laugh, it may be coming to a theater near you by the summer of 2011.

Photo by Jean et Melo