New Trek

Yup yup. I know I’ve mentioned it before and you may or may not have heard about it, but Star Trek is ready to go. The full cast has been announced and it sure is strange.

Zachary Quinto, Sylar from Heroes, will be playing Spock. Chris Pine, from some Lindsey Lohan crap movie, is playing James T. Kirk (I can imagine J.J. Abrams watching said Lohan flick and saying, ‘YES! I’ve found my Captain Kirk!”). Karl Urban will play Leonard McCoy. The hilarious Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) will be playing Scotty. Zoe Saldana will play Uhura and John Cho (Harold and Kumar) will be Sulu. It is said Leonard Nimoy is set to return as an older Spock, but we’ll see about that. The villain for the film is going to be Eric Bana; his name is Nero, not to be confused with Neo from The Matrix.

I am not a Star Trek fan. I watched a lot of it when I was a wee little boy and I only remember the theme song. I don’t think I can recall ever watching the original series. There is some hint of it but it’s not ringing any bells. I do recall many episodes of the Patrick Stewart one. And the only thing I would do is think to myself, “Man, if they ever made an X-Men movie, THAT GUY would have to be Professor X.”

So I’m looking at this whole Star Trek movie thing from way on the other side of the universe. I’m forming my opinion from Tatooine, baby.

When I look at the cast, I’m okay with the choices for Kirk and Spock. Now I may not have watched many episodes of the original Trek, but I sure as hell know who Shatner and Nimoy are. I also am very aware what their characters looked like on the show. So the casting for these two main parts I am okay with. It’s the rest of the cast that makes me a bit uneasy.

When they first announced Simon Pegg as Scotty, I was excited. Another reason to get to see him do his thing. But then I realized that this was for a Star Trek movie. It doesn’t feel right. It’s like seeing your mom’s dating your fourth grade teacher and you catch them kissing. I am assuming they are doing a serious take on this franchise relaunch, which is what makes me worried about his casting. He is welcome to try and break out of his funny roles to be a serious actor, but I’m not going to take him seriously in Star Trek. Would his role in Hot Fuzz be considered a serious role? Hmm…

The other red flag is John Cho, the Asian guy from Harold and Kumar. I’m only going to be thinking about White Castle burgers when I see him on screen. Hey, who knows? He might be great.

I’m sorry. It just doesn’t excite me. They all might do a fantastic job and the whole world will once again praise J.J. Abrams and his magical brown finger.

I’m actually pretty sure that J.J. Abrams has cloned himself. How else could he make 30 movies and 113 T.V. shows a year? I need to find this cloning machine and I need to find it now. Then I could watch Smallville and go to school at the same time on Thursdays. Smallville, now that’s exciting. You keep your dirty brown finger away from the Superman mythos, J.J. Abrams! You hear me? Ok. Good. Now Trekkies rejoice! You get a new Star Trek flick.