Blade Runner FinalI love Blade Runner.

I *love* Blade Runner. I’ve even read the book, which has virtually nothing in common with the movie. I love Harrison Ford. I love Vangelis. I love the style, the story, the mood, it’s a great film. I even loved the “Director’s Cut” that came out in the early 90s. I saw it opening night on “the largest screen in Europe” (I was living in Paris at the time).

But give us a break, Ridley Scott. I mean seriously. You got a US theatrical version. Then a European cut. Then a TV version. Then the Director’s Cut. There have also been parallel versions of the original and the director’s cut used for festival and screening purposes. Keeping track? That’s 6 versions (there may be a 7th I’m omitting).

So I hate to be skeptical, but is this new version of Blade Runner that hits theaters Friday really about completing your original vision? George Lucas made tons of money with his re-releases of the original Star Wars trilogy (or the only real Star Wars films, depending on who you ask), he also irreparably damaged his reputation in the process, further cementing his image as a money-hungry hackneyed one-trick-pony.

You say you shot additional footage? The new Star Wars had deleted scenes included.

You say you fixed the special effects? No comment needed.

Listen: Your “director’s cut” was essentially a different film from the original. With those few extra shots and the omission of the narration, you effectively took a good film and made from it a great one, a deep one. Judging from some of your recent work, though (A Good Year? Are you fucking kidding me? Kingdom of Heaven was not only a snoozefest, it was so completely revisionist and historically inaccurate to the point of being appalling… And don’t even get me started on Gladiator. I know I’m going to catch flack for that, but every action scene in the film feels like they strapped a SteadyCam to a 90-year old woman with Parkinson’s), one has to question your motives.

So, yeah, I’m going to see it this coming weekend (or possibly next week in the hopes the crowd will die down) at the Westside Pavillion Landmark Theatre. But mark my words, Ridley… It better be damned good. I better walk out of there with an erection while simultaneously laughing and crying. It better fundamentally alter my world-view. Because if it doesn’t, you will have lost your last shred of credibility with me.